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The second of the Ten Commandments directs us against images. It expressly forbids the use of images in the worship of God. But does this means images such as pictures to help us learn about God are also forbidden?
We must be careful to avoid placing our own wisdom and desires above God’s.
The plain teaching of Scripture forbids the use of visual images in regard to the worship of God:
“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.” (Exod. 20:4)
In fact, the Bible also is clear that faith comes by hearing, not by sight:
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. (Rom. 10:17)
…for we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Cor. 5:7)
God has chosen to reveal himself by means of the spoken word.
It is not by the sight of pictures or other visual forms that a person comes to faith, but by God’s appointed means of hearing his word, the gospel message. But some will object and assert that pictures, even pictures of Jesus, helps a person learn. But is our faith so weak that we cannot trust God when he tells us that faith comes by hearing not by sight?
The Heidelberg Catechism, first published in 1563, is a highly regarded summary of the Christian faith and has the following to say about the second commandment:
“Q. But may not images, as books for the unlearned, be permitted in churches?
A. No, we should not try to be wiser than God. He wants the Christian community instructed by the living preaching of his Word—not by idols that cannot even talk.” (Heidelberg Catechism, Q&A 98)
Believe God and trust him when he forbids images and reveals to us that faith comes by hearing, not by sight.
Even pictures of Jesus can only hinder our understanding of God’s truth. For instance, no true picture of Jesus exists, so the ones artists do make merely reflect the artist’s own image of our Savior rather than what God has sovereignly revealed by his word. An image also cannot truly reflect the deity of Christ , only his humanity, which again serves only to limit our knowledge of Christ Jesus.
Believe God and trust him when he forbids images and reveals to us that faith comes by hearing, not by sight. Be careful to avoid placing our own wisdom and desires above God’s. For in God’s wisdom he has appointed hearing his word as the means for coming to faith and for following him. He even teaches little children through hearing. Trust the Lord and believe that it is God’s word heard that calls us to himself, and believe him when he says, “Little children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21).
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As citizens of earthly countries we often look forward to celebrating national holidays. Holidays like the Fourth of July for example are times for us to remember people who did positive things for our country or sacrificed their lives for our freedoms. Yet, sometimes we forget that we are citizens of a heavenly kingdom. God gives us a special day each week to celebrate our heavenly citizenship, the freedom from sin and death and the One who won that salvation for us by his life, death, and resurrection.
Jesus died to pay the penalty for sin and rose because he was perfectly righteous and defeated sin and death.
In the very beginning of history, man was made to love and serve God and to be faithful rulers of his creation, speakers of God’s truth, and guards of the garden. If Adam and Eve had done this faithfully, they would have earned eternal life for themselves and all their subsequent children (i.e. the whole human race).
Yet, instead of loving God and ruling the creation as vice-regents for God, they listened to and followed God’s enemy (Satan) and brought the curse of spiritual and physical death upon themselves and humankind. This state of spiritual death made it impossible for humankind to save themselves from God’s just wrath against sin. They needed a savior. You and I are sinners in need of saving. We cannot save ourselves.
God must be the one to save a people unto eternal life.
With humankind unable to save itself, God must be the one to save a people unto eternal life. The first glimpse we get of a promised savior is in Genesis 3:15. God tells Eve that her offspring will destroy Satan and save humankind. The Bible expounds on this promise to Eve, revealing more and more clues about what kind of offspring born will be able to destroy Satan and save us.
The narratives in the Bible show us what kind of savior we need. The characters often positively or negatively demonstrate what type of savior for whom God’s people were waiting. The prophets, priests, and kings of the Old Testament pointed forward to a person who would be the perfect prophet, priest and king on our behalf.
The Old Testament examples all had faults of one kind or another. The prophet Isaiah reveals more information about the suffering servant of the Lord who will save God’s people. When we get to the New Testament, we meet the one person who can do all that the Old Testament examples were supposed to do but could not. Jesus is the perfect prophet, priest and king and faithful servant of God.
How is Jesus the perfect prophet, priest and king?
Prophet: Jesus faithfully spoke God’s word to the people of Israel. He was a faithful messenger of God. He taught during his earthly ministry of the one way to be reconciled to God—through faith in himself. He spoke judgment against those who would not listen to God’s Word and mercy to those who trusted God for salvation. Even though the religious leaders of the time hated Jesus, as a faithful prophet he kept teaching God’s truth and pointing people to himself—God’s Savior for his people.
Priest: Priests in the Mosaic Covenant offered sacrifices on behalf of the Israelite people for their sins. The author of Hebrews teaches us that Jesus is our Hight Priest. He offered himself as a sacrifice for our sins and now intercedes on our behalf before the throne of God in Heaven (Heb. 5:1-7). Unlike the Old Testament priests who had to keep offering sacrifices because of the sacrifices’ insufficiency to cleanse us from sin, Christ Jesus was the perfect sacrifice for sin, and thus he only had to make one sacrifice for sin (Heb. 7:25-27; Rom 8:34). Jesus was perfectly holy and righteous and took the punishment we deserved in order that we might be forgiven of our sins and made right before God.
King: Fallen humankind needs a champion. We need someone to defeat evil, sin, and death on our behalf. We also need protection from sin and those who would seek to harm us. Humans need a king, and the only perfect king is Christ. He loves his people so much that he became man so he could die for their sins and defeat death (1 Cor. 15:20-26; Is. 53:5).
By his Holy Spirit, Jesus helps us to fight against sin in our lives and defends us from the evil one because he has delivered us from bondage to sin and Satan (Rom. 6:6) and will not let us belong to any other except himself. Christians are citizens of a heavenly kingdom, and one day all evil will also be defeated when Christ comes again to reign forever.
This Prophet-Priest-King-Savior is alive and knows your name.
The resurrection is wonderful news because our Savior is alive (1 Cor. 15:3-4). Because Jesus has conquered death, we will also conquer death through him. Just as he has a new resurrection body, so will we one day (Rom. 6:5). Just as he is without sin, so will we one day be without sin.
Just as Jesus has perfect fellowship with the Father, so one day we will live in perfect fellowship with our heavenly Father, experiencing the blessing of his presence in a greater, fuller way (1 Cor. 13:12). This future glorification is a wonderful thing to which we look forward with great hope and confidence.
Every Sunday is a celebration of Jesus’ resurrection.
Every Sunday is a special holiday that brings to mind the reality of Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins and his glorious defeat of sin and death. The apostles realized the significance of Jesus’ resurrection and therefore changed the day of rest where we worship the Lord from Saturday (the Jewish Sabbath) to Sunday, the day Jesus rose from the dead. Celebrate weekly Jesus’ powerful work on your behalf by thanking him for his life and death for you, worshipping him with fellow believers, and looking forward to your own bodily resurrection and final glorification.
This article was originally published on July 11, 2019.
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Editor’s note:This is the sixth installment of a series on the Apostles’ Creed. Rev. Campbell Markham is a Presbyterian minister in Perth, Australia.
“From there he shall come to judge the living and the dead.” (The Apostles’ Creed, Article 7)
The image below is the famous Dog on the Tuckerbox in Gundagai near the Hume Highway. It was unveiled by Prime Minister Joseph Lyons in 1932 and helps raise funds for the local hospital.
Editorial credit: Wozzie / Shutterstock.com
Before the days of trucks, bullock teams carted goods down the highway. The statue shows a typical bullock driver’s dog, guarding his owner’s tuckerbox. Perhaps the driver’s wife left his lunch in the tuckerbox by the roadside ready for when he passed by.
“Tucker” has been Australian slang for food since the 1850s. Food is something you “tuck away” in your tummy. Dog-tucker is fit only for the pet. Schools used to have tuckshops where you could buy your lunch.
The statue is charming in its plain Depression-era way. The faithful companion sits patiently and obediently, waiting longingly for his beloved master to return. The dog on the Tuckerbox exemplifies faith, trust, and longing.
As Christians we long for Jesus to return and free us from the scourge of sin upon our souls.
In the same way, Jesus commands his disciples to wait obediently, patiently, and trustingly for his return.
We need patience, don’t we? We look to the world and see rampant greed, arrogance, and cruelty. We look to our own nation and see our internetted children weighed down by loneliness, moral confusion, and fearful uncertainty about the future. We look to our own selves and see both our bodies aging and failing and a fierce mental and moral struggle within.
Christians long for Jesus to return, for he will banish war, famine, disease, disaster, cruelty, and evil from the world. He will put a final end to sickness and death. He will finally free us from the scourge of sin upon our souls.
There are five things we must know about Jesus’ return.
First, God has not revealed its timing.
“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” (Matt. 24:36)
Jesus could return at any moment, as suddenly and as unannounced as “a thief in the night” (Matt. 24:43). So we must be sleeplessly vigilant.
Second, it will be cataclysmically obvious.
“For as the lightning flashes and lights up the sky from one side to the other, so will the Son of Man be in his day.” (Luke 17:24).
For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. (1 Thess. 4:16).
You won’t need to be told. You will see him for yourself.
Third, every person who has ever lived will be called to stand before Jesus for final judgment—those who are alive at Jesus’ coming and those who died before.
“Do not marvel at this, for an hour is coming when all who are in the tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who have done good to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil to the resurrection of judgment.” (John 5:28-29).
Fourth, Jesus will assign us to heaven or to hell for all eternity, and that will be our final fixed state for ever and ever.
Thus, Jesus described “a great chasm” separating heaven and hell, which no one can cross (Luke 16:26).
Fifth, we will only go to heaven if we have repented of our sin and put our trust in Jesus for salvation.
Those who have done this will not at all fear the final judgment, for they won’t be clothed with the dirty garment of their sin. Instead,
“They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” (Rev. 7:14)
Jesus’ sacrifice has made them clean.
Jesus will make all things right.
I finish with this beautiful picture of heaven:
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:3-4)
Jesus will return for final judgment, and he will make all things right. We long for this, and pray with the apostle John the Bible's final prayer: “Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!” (Rev. 22:20).
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As society is presently ripped apart with divisions on every issue, the church is likewise bombarded with divisive people who are using the current cultural divide to mimic the culture and tear apart the body of Christ. Christians have to be acutely aware that Satan uses cultural moments like this in the church to separate the body of Christ. I can’t think of a more appropriate caution at the moment than to call Christians to awareness regarding both to whom they listen and how they handle themselves before those who seek the ruin of the church.
This phenomenon is nothing new, of course, and the apostles provide a lot of instruction in how to handle divisive people in Christ’s church. The apostle Paul was constantly under assault by those who wanted to undermine the message of the gospel. In 2 Timothy 4:14, he specifically mentions Alexander the Coppersmith, who did him much harm in his efforts to preach Christ. Throughout the New Testament, we find no hesitation by the apostles to warn of those who were undermining the gospel ministry.
With this in mind, it’s important to provide an overview of the warnings we find in the Scriptures, the characteristics of those who seek to harm believers, and the instruction we receive in how to respond.
How do we recognize divisive persons in the church?
First, divisive persons have an obsession and unhealthy craving for controversy and quarreling. In 1 Timothy 6:4 Paul specifies that some people are full of pride, having an unhealthy obsession with fighting as they spend their time quarreling over words. This is a hugely important caution for our times.
In any theological controversy, designations and classifications are made in an attempt to determine the truth of a matter. Some of these labels are certainly necessary to understand the nature of a controversy. The problem is that divisive people use these labels not as a way of working to understand a controversy, or with the goal of bringing brethren together in what are often complex theological disputes, but rather with the purpose of further separating Christians from each other.
When Paul references the divide between Euodia and Synteche in Philippians 4, he called upon the church and her leaders to come alongside these Christians and “yoke them” together in what they had already achieved in gospel fellowship. A key identifier of a divisive person is that he uses labels and designations not with the goal of helping believers to come to the truth of a matter, but instead to separate and conquer those with whom he disagrees.
We should always ask if the person to whom we are listening has this evident goal of peace and unity in his disagreements. Humility, without an unhealthy craving to fight, is a key identifier as to whether sincerity motivates the interaction.
Second, divisive persons serve themselves in theological dispute. Helping Christians come together is not the goal of their engagement. When Paul helped Christians in dispute, he first told believers to work together in what they had already achieved in gospel fellowship (see Phil. 1). There is a great amount of agreement that has already been achieved in the faith of Christians when they stand back from any dispute. This unity achieved among believers who have walked together in the truth of the gospel, and all subsequent points of agreement, should be celebrated in theological disputes.
Divisive persons do not care about the truth already achieved, but they instead use present disputes as opportunities to wreck the unity that already exists among believers. Pride makes the dispute about winning rather than helping believers walk in the unity of the Spirit (Eph. 4).
Paul specifically says in Philippians 3 that he weeps over the church because some are enemies of the cross of Christ who have as a goal the destruction of the church (Phil. 3:18-19). The god they serve, says Paul, is their own belly, and their mind is set on earthy things. A discerning Christian should ask whether a person engaged in dispute has the goal of helping Christians in the unity they have already achieved.
Third, divisive persons create obstacles to hearing the true gospel with false ideas, or they elevate secondary matters to the place of primacy, resulting in the shipwreck of people’s faith. Yes, Paul made clear separations and exposed those who were promoting heretical ideas. In 2 Timothy 2, Paul specifically mentions Hymenaeus and Philetus, who were teaching that the resurrection had already passed. The result of their divisive behavior was the upsetting the faith of some, leading them not into gospel harmony but instead in ungodliness of behavior.
Since divisive persons are destitute of the truth, their behavior has the sad consequence of taking believers away from the pure gospel of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection for them. Christians should ask whether the person they are listening to is leading people to Christ or away from Christ with false ideas.
Fourth, divisive persons have a trail of bad fruit they leave behind them. Paul says the result of their presence in the church creates envy, dissension, evil suspicions, and friction among the unregenerate.
Wolves love to appear strong and knowledgeable on every issue. This confidence and willingness to fight the brethren creates a cult-like phenomenon among other unregenerate people who support the division and gather around the divider. When they divide the body of Christ on a particular issue, these wolves also attract other weaker sheep who love controversy and fall prey to their division.
One only has to consider the fruit of their obsession with disputing. Is the result the peaceable fruits of righteousness or, as Paul’s lists the works of the flesh in Galatians 5, is the result of their interaction as follows: enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, and envy (Gal. 5:20).” Does their engagement result in the peace and love among the brethren, or destruction and dissension among those who listen?
Fifth, divisive persons do not submit to any authority in their lives other than themselves. Any true servant will desire to see all theological heresy properly addressed among the authority structures God has provided. God gave his church and their courts to address false doctrine and heresy. Divisive persons work outside of this authority structure to bring the demise of the church among her members. They attack church authorities as incompetent and compromised on what they deem are the most important issues and are quick to attack church leaders who God put in authority over them.
Divisive persons are a law to themselves and stand over the lawgiver himself as the authority to which everyone else must submit (Jas 4:12). Christians should ask if the person they are engaging has truly demonstrated humble submission to the authority structures that God has placed over them.
How do we exercise discernment when dealing with divisive people in the church?
In our social media age when anyone can be given a platform, there will be divisive persons who divide the church and reject her authority structures with little to no accountability. As difficult as it maybe, when church officers have within their ranks divisive persons, they are called upon to admonish and discipline those who are dividing the body of Christ. But, outside of ecclesiastical courts, and with those whom the church will not hold accountable, Christians need to exercise discernment with those they engage by refusing to give an ear to those who seek to destroy the body of Christ.
This should also include, of course, earnest prayer that such persons would come to their senses and escape having been taken captive by the devil to do his will (2 Tim. 2:26). Yet, Paul’s most predominant call in how to handle divisive persons is clear: “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. (Rom. 16:17).
The best thing believers can do with divisive persons is avoid them and refuse to give them an ear, recognizing, as Paul said in light of Alexander the Coppersmith, that God will repay them according to their evil deeds. Christians should listen to those who are of good report and of the pastors who minister to them well (2 Tim. 4:14).
May all believers pursue the peace of Christ’s church in these divided days, seeking to walk together in the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:3).
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What does godly submission look like in the context of marriage? In this series on why strong Christian marriages can appear to be “functionally egalitarian” (click here for part one and here for part two), I hope to challenge erroneous and unhealthy stereotypes of what godly authority and submission are in marriage and instead point to the beauty and goodness of God’s design for marriage.
To be clear, this series is not in any way promoting an egalitarian view of Christian marriage; rather, my goal is to explain why healthy complementarian marriages reflect Christ’s nurturing love for us in the love a husband and wife have for and give to each other.
Godly submission in marriage is inextricably connected the husband’s role as the authoritative head of a family.
In part two on godly authority, I explored the similarities between the mission of airline pilots and the mission of husbands and fathers, and when attempting to define godly submission in marriage we need to consider the mission God has given men as husbands and fathers in this world. In his article, “The Problem with Servant Leadership,” cultural critic and writer Aaron Renn challenges the popular servant-leadership model in marriage. According to Renn, this model asserts that men should be solely focused on meeting the needs and wants of their wife and children:
In these evangelical teachings, a man has no legitimate claims of his own he can assert, no legitimate desires or aspirations he can hold, no mission in the world to undertake.
Renn observes that mission is fundamental to the nature of men, not only in marriage but in many other aspects of life as a man. In that context we shouldn’t be surprised when teaching that constrains men from valuing and pursuing callings beyond the parameters of marriage and family causes them to push back and even over-correct toward an unhealthy view of male headship that is heavy-handed rather than servant-focused. Godly submission and godly authority must co-exist in a marriage in order for the union to be a healthy reflection of Christ’s love for the church as Paul describes in Ephesians 5:25-31.
One of the missions of a Christian wife is to help her husband accomplish the missions God has given to him.
God has also given women their own specific missions; yet, just as is the case for men, not all women will have the same missions in their callings in this world. Some women will marry and some will be single. Not all women will have children. The apostle Paul is very clear that there are advantages to the single life for women, one in particular being that they can serve the Lord undividedly, unlike a Christian wife who needs to also care for her husband and children.
In marriage the husband is the head of the wife, and the wife is the helper to her husband (Gen. 2:20-24). The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and the wife is to respectfully submit to her husband:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph. 5:22-24)
This is a collaborative pursuit in which the husband and wife come together in marriage and establish a Christian household. And they may have children, whom they are to raise up in the Lord. As the helper to her husband, a Christian wife is called to care for her spouse and any children they have. A Christian wife also has a significant role in helping her husband succeed in all his responsibilities, including not only his work to lead, care for, and provide for the family but also his callings in the church and community.
Marriage can rightly be compared to a beautiful dance.
As Claire Smith points out in her book God’s Good Design: What the Bible Really Says about Men and Women, submission in marriage is meant to be something beautiful to behold:
But while they have different responsibilities, there is no inequality between them. Genesis 2 is no excuse for men thinking they are better than women (or vice versa!). Men and women may be different but it is not a difference of superiority and inferiority.
As one writer puts it: this is not the march of patriarchalism (where the man hammers out the beat) or the race of feminism (where the woman wins), but rather the man and woman are equal and with different responsibilities. In God’s good design, their relationship is neither a march nor a race, but a dance where the man leads and the woman follows, and yet together they move as one, in perfect harmony.[1]
Everything in the Christian life is meant to bring glory to God by reflecting God’s truth, goodness, and beauty in our thoughts, actions, and being, and this should especially be the case in a Christian marriage since the union between a man and woman in marriage directs our gaze to the church’s union with Christ. As the apostle Paul writes:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Eph. 5:25-31)
Thus, when considering what it means for a wife to be submissive in marriage, we must always keep in mind that one of the main objectives of a husband in the exercising of his headship is to present his wife “in splendor” (v. 27) by helping her to become more and more conformed to the image of Christ and bear the fruit of the Spirit in all aspects of her life. A godly husband always seeks to love and care for his wife, his precious and beautiful bride, as they come together in marriage with the goal of always seeking to image the love of Christ in their union.
Godly wifely submission ideally takes place within the parameters of godly husbandly headship.
Along with Ephesians 5:25-31 quoted above, we also find the following Bible passages relating to godly submission and authority in marriage:
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:33)
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col. 3:19)
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7)
From the above passages we can readily conclude that godly wifely submission occurs in a relationship where the husband’s responsibilities include loving his wife (Col. 3:19) and being understanding of and honoring to her (1 Pet. 3:7). A wife’s responsibilities include being respectful (Eph. 5:33) and submissive (Tit. 2:5) to her husband.
These Bible passages are clear that biblical headship is not about bossing your wife around, controlling her, and forcing her submit to your authority; nor is wifely submission about going along with the tyrannical rule of a husband.
In a Christian marriage, both spouses are to seek to love and nurture one another physically and emotionally, to help each other grow in spiritual maturity, to encourage each other in developing their talents and using the resources God has given them to his glory. Husbands and wives are to help carry each other through the storms of life, being strong when the other is weak, being resolute when the other trembles in fear, being understanding when the other fails, showing the love of Christ in all circumstances. And they are to rejoice in each other’s successes, for these successes belong to both of them.
What does godly wifely submission look like in day-to-day life?
To be a good helper to her husband, a Christian woman needs a lot of honorable attributes, including a loving, compassionate, and unselfish heart, faithfulness, knowledge, godly wisdom, humility, a strong work ethic, and a joyful trust in Christ. Such traits are essential aspects of the splendor of a woman of God. A sense of humor is a wonderful attribute for anyone to possess, and a godly wife who knows how to express “a fit word rightly spoken” (Prov. 25:11) is truly a blessing to her husband, especially when he is battling depression or laid low from a recent setback of some kind.
There are countless ways a wife can be a wonderful helper to her husband, especially by serving their family to become a blessed realm where God’s beauty, truth, and goodness are seen and experienced. Just some of these ways include:
being a faithful and loving companion to her husband, enjoying spending time with him in daily life, both as a couple and a family
supporting her husband in his callings in the home and community and in his work to provide for the family, which may include her doing paid work of some kind to bring in additional income
nurturing an environment of joy, peace, and rest for the family
loving and caring for her household—meeting the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of the family both short and long term
growing in biblical knowledge and wisdom so she can instruct her children well and give godly counsel to members of the family as needed, including humbly challenging her husband’s ideas when they are inconsistent with God’s word or wisdom
learning practical skills that are needed to both raise a family and to be able to teach those skills to her children
doing what she can to ease her husband’s worries and anxieties as he carries out his responsibilities in caring for the family
pursuing her own interests, goals, and friendships as she has time, without neglecting family responsibilities, in order to bring balance to her life and equip her with the knowledge, insight, and experience she needs to be a godly wife and mother
These are just some general aspects of being a helper to one’s husband. In order to help well though, we need to understand each other’s needs. In their excellent book Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints, authors Chad and Emily Van Dixhoorn write about the importance of active thoughtfulness in daily life as husband and wife:
Studying one another in marriage, getting to know each other, involves every aspect of life. It is a lifelong process. This is why we tell our life stories. This is one more reason why Christian couples should ask how they can pray for each other in the morning. This is why we do well to ask at the end of the day, “How was your day?” and to actually listen to the report. It is not simply to discover our to-do list or action points. It is part of a process of knowing each other.
The Bible recognizes this, indeed teaches us this, in the very vocabulary that it uses to describe one part of our marital relations. Newer translations of the Bible refer to husbands and wives “having sex.” Older translations refer to the same set of actions as husbands and wives “knowing” each other, which better reflects the Hebrew of the Old Testament. There is real significance to that phrase, especially in that intimate context. But whether speaking about the intimate or the mundane, knowing a spouse in order to serve a spouse is one of the most enjoyable, rewarding, and challenging gifts that we can give in a marriage. (pp. 35-36; Crossway)
While this aspect of “studying” people to love them well is something we should be doing in all our relationships, it is especially important to do in our marriages. Indeed, learning how to love our spouses well is both our calling and duty as husbands and wives. To have a duty is to have the opportunity and responsibility to glorify God in the particular vocation or responsibility he has placed in our lives. It is difficult to think of a vocation where a wife can have more influence—influence that can have a positive or negative effect in both this world and the world to come—than in the vocations she fulfills in the home as a wife and possibly a mother as well. It is important to remember that even when our duties as Christian spouses are burdensome due to the effects of sin and living in a fallen world, we can still have joy in fulfilling them out of our love for Christ.
A wife is called to submit to her husband, as long as she is not disobeying God in doing so, even when she doesn’t agree with him on a matter.
While marriage is a collaborative pursuit, the union between a husband and wife is not egalitarian in nature. As both the husband and wife are focused on loving and caring for each other, they will work together the best they can to make good decisions regarding how they are going to live as a family. If the husband and wife cannot come to agreement on a matter and a decision needs to be made, the husband has the final say. The wife needs to submit to her husband in his decision, as long as doing so does not cause her to disobey God (Col. 3:18; see also Acts 5:29).
Being a submissive wife, however, doesn’t mean a woman has to agree with her husband on everything. Submitting and agreeing may be two different things. Women have the right as image-bearers of God to have their own opinions, views, and convictions. Being submissive doesn’t mean a wife throws her brains, emotions, and conscience out the window and becomes some kind of mindless blob, repeating whatever her husband tells her to say. A husband needs his wife’s knowledge, intelligence, wisdom, and discernment to be a godly leader of the family.
And being a submissive wife doesn’t mean that a woman has to do everything her husband says, either. If a wife feels that her personal dignity is being trod upon or she or someone else is being sinned against in some way, she has the right—and the duty—as an image-bearer of God to stand up for herself or the other person and say, “No.”
Being a meek woman does not mean being a weak woman. A woman needs to have the courage as necessary to say to her husband, “That’s not right” or “I’m not going to do that.” There is nothing godly about a wife allowing her husband to sin against her—or anyone for that matter—and being okay with it. A loving wife always seeks the best for her husband, and that includes helping him to be a godly man in all things.
To be clear, a woman does not need to submit to every male but only to proper church authorities, her father while under his care, and her husband if married, and in all circumstances “as is fitting to the Lord” (Col. 3:18; see also Acts 5:29).
Women who find themselves married to unbelievers are also enjoined by Scripture to submit to their husband’s authoritative leadership, and such godly submission could even be influential in the husband’s conversion:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands. (1 Pet. 3:1-5)
We should care deeply about what is important to our spouse.
When a husband and wife are committed to loving each other well, unilateral decisions by the husband will be rare or even non-existent in occurrence.
The Van Dixhoorns’ point in Gospel-Shaped Marriage about “knowing a spouse in order to serve a spouse” is rooted in the commitment to love each other well. We should care deeply about what is important to our spouse, what makes our spouse happy, and what grieves our spouse—both what is uplifting to our spouse and what is soul-crushing. When we want things that our spouse doesn’t want—things that cause our spouse pain—we need to examine ourselves and whether our motives and personal desires are in alignment with Scripture.
When we are at an impasse with our spouse on a matter, instead of trying to persuade or bully our spouse to our way of thinking we should consider how God may be using our spouse’s different view to bless us and guide us in a godly direction—to keep us on a right path and away from destructive choices. I remember a godly man who had been married for over thirty years saying that he couldn’t recall one time in his marriage where he had to make a unilateral decision because his wife and he always worked together to determine what was best in any given situation.
To understand biblical passages about submission in marriage properly, it’s helpful to keep in mind the order God has established in the marital union.
If we go back to the biblical passages on wifely submission and husbandly headship, we should consider that a key aspect of wifely submission is respect for one’s husband, and more specifically, staying within the boundaries God has given women in his design for order in marriage and the church. Women should not be going around in public flaunting cultural dress norms as some of the women were doing in Greco-Roman society when the apostle Paul wrote 1 Corinthians 11; they should not be speaking authoritatively in the church service (1 Cor. 14; 1 Tim. 2:12-14); and they should not be usurping the authority of their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1-6).
When we approach the above Bible passages in terms of order, recognizing that all godly authority is to be grounded in Christ-like love for one another, we will avoid the sinful error of viewing godly submission and authority in marriage within the sinful, destructive framework of power and oppression.
Women in abusive marriages should seek help from the church and civil authorities.
A godly husband will want his wife to flourish; he will want her to excel in godly character; he will want her to enjoy him. He will strive to love his wife, honor her, cherish her, and be willing to give his life for her. Grievously, it happens that a wife may find herself in an abusive marriage. Bearing quietly under the abuse, as many Christian women have been wrongly taught to do, is not God’s design for marriage, nor does it help one’s husband to be a godly man.
When a woman reaches out to her church leadership about abuse taking place in her marriage, her words must be taken seriously and with respect. It takes incredible courage for a woman to speak up as she or someone she knows may face retribution for bringing the problem to light. By reaching out, a woman may very well be risking her own physical, emotional, and spiritual safety and that of all others connected to the matter. Brushing her off or devaluing her concerns, hoping the problem will go away or be resolved on its own, should not ever happen. When male leadership places the “problem” with the woman’s behavior and the “solution” with her need to change, they are not protecting the woman as “the weaker vessel” (1 Pet. 3:7).
It cannot be stated enough that male headship in marriage isn’t an autocratic endeavor. Christian men are accountable to the Lord, their church leadership, and the civil authorities for how they lead their family. It is essential for church leadership to proactively take a solid biblical stand on what is expected of husbands in their congregation in regard to loving, Christ-like male headship and to instruct and guide men on what it means to be a godly man and live it out in daily life.
A posture of submission should “inform and shape” all our relationships as believers—including any authority we have in those relationships.
In summary, in a godly Christian marriage we don’t necessarily perceive the authority structure because both spouses are “other-focused,” always seeking, yet sometimes failing, to love each other well. As Chad Van Dixhoorn points out in a recent Desiring God article regarding Ephesians 5:21 (“submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”) and the apostle Paul’s instructions that follow the verse:
It is clear from what follows that the general duty of submitting to one another does not swallow up the particular duties that are described at the end of Ephesians 5 and the beginning of Ephesians 6. For example, masters and parents do not abandon their positions of authority with servants and children because of this mutual submission.
And yet, this posture of submitting “to one another out of reverence for Christ” does inform and shape these relationships. Take Ephesians 6:1–4: since children are to honor their parents, parents are not to exasperate their children in the manner in which they call them to obedience. There is asymmetry between parent and child, and yet also reciprocity. (“Outdo One Another: The Dynamics of a Distinctly Christian Marriage”)
How authority is exercised matters—greatly—and godly submission is a joy where authority is focused on imitating Christ in his sacrificial love for the church. The Christian wife has an incredibly high calling, and she needs God’s provision and the support of her husband and the church in fulfilling it. May believers have grace for each other in their marriages, always seeking to help each other fulfill their responsibilities as wives and husbands as they strive to honor Christ in their love for each other.
In part four of this series, I will cover the topic of teamwork in marriage.
[1] Claire Smith, God's Good Design: What the Bible Really Says about Men and Women (Kingsford: Matthias Media, 2012), 173-174; see also D. Bloesch, “Donald Bloesch Responds,” in Evangelical Theology in Transition: Theologians in Dialogue with Donald Bloesch, ed. E. M. Colyer (Downers Grove: IVP, 1999), 207.
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Ruth in Boaz’s Field by Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld; National Gallery, United Kingdom. Image from Wikimedia Commons.
Many theologians have acknowledged the typological role that Boaz played in redemptive history. He descended from the tribe of Judah, came out of Bethlehem to bless his people, was the great grandfather of David, the one to whom the promise of Messiah was given, and was therefore in the genealogical line of the Christ.
Boaz owned a field into which he sent his laborers. He received a Gentile, Ruth, when she came to the fields to glean. He ultimately became the kinsman redeemer of both Jew and Gentile, buying the lost inheritance of Naomi and Ruth (Ruth 4:4 and 4:8), thus gaining the right to make Ruth his bride.
In all these ways Boaz is a type of Christ. Christ is the Lion of the tribe of Judah, who comes out of Bethlehem to bless his people. He is the Son of David, the redeemer of God’s elect. He sends his laborers into his fields to work. He treats his own people well. He receives and welcomes Gentiles. He pays our debt, and therefore gains the right to make us his bride. Yet, there are two significant elements of the work of Boaz, the typical redeemer, that must be recognized.
1. Boaz had to honor and keep the demands of the Mosaic law.
When Ruth comes and lays at Boaz’s feet, he does not immediately receive her. He tells her that there is a relative closer than himself who has a right to redeem her. Boaz is acting in accord with the law of God as revealed in Numbers 27:8-11 and Leviticus 25:25:
If a man dies and has no son, then you shall cause his inheritance to pass to his daughter. If he has no daughter, then you shall give his inheritance to his brothers. If he has no brothers, then you shall give his inheritance to his father’s brothers. And if his father has no brothers, then you shall give his inheritance to the relative closest to him in his family, and he shall possess it. And it shall be to the children of Israel a statute of judgment, just as the LORD commanded Moses. (Num. 27:8-11)
If one of your brethren becomes poor, and has sold some of his possession, and if his redeeming relative comes to redeem it, then he may redeem what his brother sold. (Lev. 25:25)
In this way, Boaz was acting in accord with the law of God. He was honoring the demands of the law and obeying the Lord in his dealings with Ruth. He does not—and in a very real sense cannot—redeem Ruth and Naomi until he obeyed the legal demands of the Lord.
2. Boaz also had to pay the price to redeem Ruth.
In order for him to be Ruth’s redeemer, Boaz must first obey the demands of the law, and then pay the price to redeem her. It is a beautiful picture of the dual nature of the work of Christ. Jesus first fulfills the righteous requirements of the law of God, and then he pays the price in his death on the cross.
Our redemption was accomplished in the active and passive obedience of the Savior. He was, in the words of the apostle Paul, “obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Phil. 2:8).
Together, these two aspects of the obedience of Christ form the grounds of our justification. We are forgiven by his death, and we are counted righteous by his perfect life. Jesus’ sacrifice is accepted because of his sinless conformity to the law. By his obedience and death, Christ has merited righteousness for his people. He is our redeemer according to the prescriptions of his Father, as typified in the laws of the kinsman redeemer.
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On a sunny Saturday afternoon in Perth in the early 80s, when the shops had shut and the streets were still, when you could hear the crowds shouting from distant footy fields, when Dad was at his desk studying and Mum was sewing or ironing, when there was takeaway pizza to look forward to for dinner and then The Great Escape or some such war movie on TV, then I would get on my bike and ride the flat streets of Floreat Park to a friend’s home.
In primary school I would most often ride to Shane’s. We would go to a park and climb a tree, eat mulberries, and talk trash. Or we might go down to the local rugby union field, climb over the fence, and watch for free those “man mountains” shuffling and sweating and crashing into one another over the pigskin. In high school I would ride to my best friend Ric’s. I would invariably find him practicing the drums in “The Pit,” his mostly soundproof room under the house. Instead of knocking on the door, I would sit outside for a time for the joy of hearing him play. Later we’d make instant coffee and sit on his patio and lament our lack of girlfriends or argue interminably over whether The Beatles or Toto was the better band. (We were both right in our own way, but I was more right!)
I had good friends. We turned up at each other’s houses unannounced, we talked without end, we laughed together through good times and sighed together through the pains.
Almost all communication now is made on hard, cold, lifeless screens.
Young people today look lonely to me. I don’t think they do unannounced visits anymore. I don’t think I see a lot of face-to-face laughter and tears, but I do see a lot of looking down at those sad little devices. Almost all communication now is made on those hard, cold, lifeless screens. I’m told that young people rarely even phone each other, that to be phoned is a bit “adult-annoying.” Turning up at someone’s house on your bike would be as culturally appropriate as wearing a bowler hat or eating squirrel.
Worse than that, I hear about the cruelty—so much online anger, lashing out, sarcasm, and abuse. When I was younger, you could generally avoid people who wished you harm. Now they seek you out to savage you on your Instagram or Twitter page.
We need to learn to be friends again.
I see too many sad and lonely young people, on the streets and in our churches. I fear that we don’t know how to be friends anymore. It seems a lost art, like that of holding a door open for a female or introducing oneself with a firm handshake and frank eye contact. It is like a hidden dialect that only a few ancients still know how to speak—and that will disappear with them.
People lack friends, and they suffer for it. They are doing life alone, and that is hard. We need to learn to be friends again, and Paul teaches us how to do this near the end of his first letter to the church in Thessalonica:
Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. (1 Thess. 5:13b-15; all Scripture passages from NIV unless otherwise noted)
Here are seven ways to be a friend according to the Bible:
1. Be the peacemaker.
“Live in peace with each other.”
The New Testament word eirēnē, from which comes the old-fashioned girl’s name Irene (Peace), and the adjective irenic (peaceful), presupposes a tendency to strife. You only describe two people as being “at peace” who had previously been at war (BDAG, p. 287).
To be a good friend is to recognize that we have a post-fall Cain-and-Abel tendency to hurt one another, perhaps as a cheap way of getting an advantage, or assuaging feelings of resentment, or of just feeling better about oneself at the cost of another’s misery. His crying victim gives the bully a nice little rush of dopamine.
The friend recognizes this inclination and strives for peace. They refuse to coddle resentment. In arguments—and arguments must come between friends—they won’t aim to “own” the other, as we now say.
Is this you? Do you work to be the peacemaker?
2. Be the brave counselor.
“Warn those who are idle and disruptive.”
Idleness is the root of much strife. On camping trips with friends, our injuries always resulted from boredom. That’s when we started throwing rocks at each other, and worse.
But “idle” is too narrow a translation of ataktos, which my Greek lexicon describes as “being out of step and going one’s own way…being without socially recognized restraint” (BDAG, p. 148). It refers to lack of discipline, to an army in disordered retreat, for example. Not sloth per se but making mistakes from poor judgment and blind passion.
In the face of idleness, the friend will not remain silent. The friend will warn. “Warning” includes admonishing and instructing, “to counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct” (BDAG, p. 679).
When we warn we risk hurting or angering our friend. We risk being misunderstood. We risk the friendship itself. Who enjoys hard and painful conversations? Warning a friend who is on the wrong path takes courage and energy.
But think of the converse. Your friend is making poor decisions. You say nothing about it. You keep the conversation light and cheerful. You are not being a friend to that person. You are acting like an enemy. Recovering friendship means recovering the art of tough love, the gentle rebuke, the courageous confrontation.
3. Be the encourager.
“Encourage the disheartened.”
Disheartened (also translated “timid”) translates the evocative compound adjective oligopsychos. Oligos means “few” (an oligarchy is the rule of the few), and psychē means spirit or soul. Oligopsychos describes someone who is timid, faint-hearted, dispirited, or discouraged (see BDAG, p. 703).
Our ability to help the discouraged is extraordinary. Someone is far behind in their studies or has even dropped out of school. Their love for another lies unrequited. Their life’s efforts seem to fail. They feel worthless, their future looks bleak. It is painful to look ahead. It is much easier to look down, or not to look at all. So they eat bad food, or hide in the world of Netflix and Stan, or pornography, or that third tumbler of whiskey.
You can encourage them, uplift them. The friend does this, with a few words, a lot of listening, and limitless time and affection.
We have all felt discouraged. Think back. What helped you? Wasn’t it the person who liked you? The person who valued that thing you do in the home, at church, at work, or at school? The person who gave you a gift? The person who loved and listened?
You are a friend when you do this for others.
4. Be the helper.
“Help the weak.”
The weak are those who suffer from “a debilitating illness…incapacity or limitation” (BDAG, p. 142). They are physically tired, too weak to look after themselves, let alone those around them. Too weak to protect themselves from those who are stronger, who harm. Weak in moral fiber, easy prey to sexual and other temptations. They might not know what is good for them, and even if they do, they are too frail to act on it. “Weak” in this context is helpfully vague and all encompassing.
Sometimes I imagine myself as a father in Yemen, with little education, few weapons, and no savings. My children are hungry and exposed to disease, starvation, and violence. What would I want in that situation? I would want someone strong and kind to walk up to me and hold out their hand and say, “I have come to help you.” To provide food, medicine, shelter, protection, education, and hope for the future. I would want that help a lot.
The word help (antechesthe) means “to have a strong attachment to someone or something,” to cling, to hold fast, to devote oneself, and hold a strong interest in the other (BDAG, p. 87).
To be a friend is to be loyal to those who are weak. It means to get alongside, your right arm behind their back, your left hand under their left arm, your knees taking their weight, and not letting go.
5. Be the patient one.
“Be patient with everyone.”
The compound word makrothymia combines makro,“much,” and thymos, meaning passionate love and intense longing, or passionate anger and rage. (Thus, the Greek mind recognized a psychological affinity between passionate desire and passionate anger. Certainly, we see how the former, when frustrated, so quickly becomes the latter.) Makrothymia means patience, endurance, “to remain tranquil while waiting,” longsuffering, putting up with a lot, “to bear up under provocation without complaint” (BDAG, p. 612). Makrothymia is God who “waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built” (1 Pet. 3:20). It was the “unlimited patience” of Jesus towards Saul, the murdering Pharisee (1 Tim. 1:16).
This attribute is as rare as platinum. Friends develop it. It leads to the next aspect of friendship.
6. Be forgiving.
“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong.”
Paul urges us to “make sure,” “be careful,” “pay attention” to something. To what? That “nobody repays evil for evil” (1 Thess. 5:15 ESV).
When someone wrongs me, my instinct is to pay that person back in kind, with interest. We are the hornet’s nest, not to be poked and prodded. The spirit of vendetta lies deep. Paul knows that we are like this and pleads: “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong.”
Ponder this fact, that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). While we were in the very act of dishonoring and scorning God and suppressing knowledge of his existence, he loved us. He gave to us who hated him what was most precious to him, his one and only Son to die on our behalf.
To love an enemy is the bent of God’s heart, the soul of the gospel. When we have been loved like this, then we will long to love others the same way. No friendship will survive apart from abundant effusions of forgiveness.
7. Be relentlessly and universally kind.
“But always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
“Always try” translates diōkō, a word that means to pursue, to hunt down (BDAG, p. 254). It happens also to be the word for “persecute.” Paul urges us to “always pursue and hunt down” something. What is it? The “good.” Paul says, literally, “Always pursue the good for one another, and for all.”
Good translates agathos, which refers to something useful and beneficial because it meets a “high standard of worth and merit” (BDAG, p. 3). It describes the good tree that bears good fruit (Matt. 7:17), the good soil that produces a good crop (Luke 8:8), the good gifts that good parents like to give to their children (Luke 11:13).
The friend determines what is good, not for themselves, but for others. In pursuing what was good for us, Jesus had to endure scourging and nails through his hands and feet. Jesus had to drink the cup of God’s wrath for us. We must likewise pursue the good for “one another,” that is, our church family and for “everyone else.” Christian love will overflow from the church into the world.
Goodness is more than kindness, but it is not less than it. Are you a kind person? Are you considerate, warm, and caring toward others? This must be pursued, says Paul.
The best and most loving thing you can do for your friends is to pursue Christ.
The problem with focusing on three verses at the end of 1 Thessalonians is that it’s too easy to get the idea that “If I simply take these seven steps, then I will be a good friend.” When it comes to changing behavior, simply taking “steps,” like walking up the downward escalator, won’t accomplish anything but exhaustion, no matter how many of them we take.
Our behavior can only change this way in Christ, which is why Paul begins his letter to the church by referring to “your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thess. 1:3). Instead of walking up the downward escalator of our sinful human nature, we must walk up the upward escalator of Christ. That’s when things will change.
The best and most loving thing you can do for your friends is to pursue Christ. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt 6:33). This principle doesn’t just apply to food, drink, and clothes. It applies just as much to being a good friend. Pursue Jesus Christ first, and you will become the best of friends.
Go to the fountain of friendship.
May mere sentimentality perish. To be a good friend does not mean going back to “the old days.” It doesn’t mean, necessarily, making unannounced visits on our bikes and throwing away our smartphones. (Though for some it might!)
It means going to the fountain of friendship, drinking afresh from the source—learning from Christ Jesus. It means being loved by Jesus and then learning to love others in the same way. When we do this, we will be the peacemaker, the brave counselor, the encourager, the helper, the patient one. We will, like Jesus, be forgiving and relentlessly and universally kind.
Do you want to be a good friend? Let Jesus be your friend and copy him.
This article was originally published at Beautiful Christian Life on August 8, 2019.
