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“‘No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you’” (John 15:15).
While short-term friendships can be a blessing to be sure, there is something that is always a bit sad when friends go in different directions for whatever reason. A friendship that endures over the years is like a strong tree you can hold onto, steadying you when your own roots are weak. As I consider the friendships I have enjoyed over the years, there are consistent characteristics of those that have stood the test of time.
Good friends are there for each other.
Of course, good friends have their own responsibilities in life with family, work, other commitments, etc., and they can't alway drop everything to be with you right away. Yet, a good friend will prioritize your needs and help as he or she can as soon as possible. It is important to communicate our needs to our friends as we feel appropriate to do, so they will know we are hurting and be able to support us however possible.
Your friend might not be able to help in the way you think you need, or your friend might have a different opinion of what kind of help you need, and that's okay. We can't expect our friends to always think and act as we want them to do, but we do need to have godly standards for our friendships.
Good friends courageously speak truth to each other.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we know in our hearts we shouldn't be. We may want our friend to condone—or even support—our sinful behavior or errant thinking. Or perhaps we are unconsciously hoping that our friend will say the words to us that we aren't willing to say to ourselves. A good friend holds to godly convictions and exhorts us with love, patience, and resoluteness to do the same.
You wouldn't want your friend to watch you unknowingly head toward the edge of a cliff and not say anything, and you would want to be the voice of alarm and reason to your friend as well. Your friend might not be right in what he or she is saying to you, but it is important to listen to the wisdom of good friends, especially those who are strong in the Lord.
Good friends don't keep a balance sheet.
Sometimes one friend will invest in the friendship more than the other person, and that's also okay. In fact, the relationship may always have that characteristic as some people have a personality that is more outgoing and initiates connection more frequently. Still, that doesn't let you off the hook from also taking initiative to nurture the friendship.
Even a simple text can show your friend that he or she is important to you. Think of ways you can help grow the friendship in ways that are enjoyable and easy to do. Even a small amount of effort can let your outgoing friend know that you value and appreciate him or her. A healthy lasting friendship requires attention and care, like any other growing thing in life.
Good friends bring joy to each other.
We should enjoy our friendships over the long haul. Yet, we may find ourselves in a friendship where the joy that was present in the beginning of the relationship has diminished over time. While loyalty is important in friendship, the commitment of friendship is not the same as marriage. Sometimes friendships benefit from some time apart, and friendships often require extra forbearance, grace, and forgiveness in order to survive over the long term.
Don't be quick to let go of a friendship, as you don't know all the trials and tribulations your friend is going through. It may be that what he or she needs most at the present time are your faithfulness, patience, and prayers.
Yet, it also could be the case that people aren't who we thought they were, they no longer want to be friends with us, or they have become "bad company" since the friendship began:
Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. (Prov. 22:24-25)
Do not be deceived: "Bad company ruins good morals." (1 Cor. 15:33)
We need to have the same grace for our friends that we would want them to have for us. Good friendships are about both giving and receiving, and most importantly about honoring God. Whether our friends build us up or let us down, may we always hold onto our closest and best friend, our Lord Jesus Christ, for our strength, hope, joy, peace, and comfort.
This article is adapted from “Good Friendships for the Long Run” in Beautiful Christian Life’s July 2022 monthly newsletter.
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