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I have hated my body for as long as I can remember. As soon as I was old enough to be aware of my figure, and how it compared with the figures of my peers, I was unhappy. Being a five-foot-tall, muscularly-built Asian girl in Southern California made me feel like I was drowning in a sea of tall, thin blonde beach babes. And so began that dull ache from deep within. That feeling of inadequacy that we are all familiar with to some degree or another. That yearning to be beloved and accepted. If I wasn’t going to be the pretty one, how would I get by?
Some days I feel like I haven’t grown at all.
We humans are very resourceful. I grew thick skin. I hid behind humor and quick wit. I looked for validation through achievement. I was the straight-A student and the good girl. I was the first to graduate college in my family. I sought a career in sales so that my success could be very tangible in a glowing sales report or a fat commission check. But still, the dull ache continued, as well as the striving to run from it.
I am now approaching 40, a wife and a mother of three precious girls. On some days, it seems I have matured much from that insecure, striving young girl. And on other days, I feel like I haven’t grown a bit, still looking for validation and trying to prove my worth. By God’s grace I have learned that the only way to change the horrible talk-track in my head that says “I am not enough” is to have the true narrative about who I am spoken to me to crush the lie for what it is.
Our happy faces and smiles for the camera may be hiding the burdens we silently carry.
So maybe your issue isn’t body image. This is a game of “fill in the blank” of which I have heard far too many versions. Maybe you feel invisible as a stay-at-home mom and are constantly looking for ways to validate yourself. Maybe you aren’t the Pinterest mom who posts picture-perfect photos of memories you are making with your kids. Maybe you hate cooking and feel guilt when you are served gourmet meals at your friends’ homes.
Maybe you see your flaws in your children and feel hopeless because you are a failure of a parent. Maybe you feel like you are a different person than your husband married. You look at yourself in the mirror and see a distant memory of the woman you once were, and you feel shame. These are just a handful of whispers that have come to my own mind over the years or from confessions by dear friends I admire who have confided in me. These are the burdens we silently carry with us while we put on a happy face and smile for the camera.
We need to remember that God loves us just as we are now.
If we have embraced the gospel for the promise that it is, that we are truly forgiven, redeemed, righteous, and bought at a price, then why doesn’t it feel like it? If every sin I have ever committed—or will commit today—has been paid for, why do I carry this shame and feeling of inadequacy?
Imagine how different our experience would be if we could really believe God loves us just as we are now—not the version we strive for in our minds. Not the person we will be once we get our act together. Me, today. Then we would stop asking ourselves, Why don’t I feel like I belong? Why do I feel like an outsider, always coming up a bit short?
“Imagine how different our experience would be if we could really believe God loves us just as we are now—not the version we strive for in our minds.”
We live in the “already-but-not-yet” season of our journey. Yes, Christ has already died and paid for our sins. We are already redeemed and considered righteous by our heavenly Father. But we are not yet perfect. We still have a sinful nature and live in a world ravaged by sin and broken in so many ways. Although we know the glorious ending to our story, it is not yet complete. Until we reach our final home, we will not know true wholeness. But there is hope for us in our current state as well—he isn’t finished with you!
Even though we know the glorious ending to our story, it is not yet complete.
Although we are already justified through faith in the work Jesus did in his life and on the cross, God’s work of sanctification is ongoing. As we grow in the love and knowledge of God through study, experience, and suffering, our Father is molding us into the likeness of his Son. Although the change might seem indiscernible at times, he never sleeps and he is always at work:
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6)
We continue on through this pilgrimage of faith, holding on to these truths that will come into fruition in God’s perfect timing. But what can be done in the meantime? Here are two things to keep in mind that can help us along our way.
1. Attend a Bible-believing church every week to hear the gospel preached.
It seems like such an obvious and simple task, but it is one that is often overlooked. The busyness of life can easily get in the way of church attendance. Schedules get hectic, we want to “relax” over the weekend, and it takes effort to bring small children to church. But there is a reason God requires it of us—it is of life and death importance.
And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Eph. 4:11-16)
How can we possibly hope to cling to the truth if we are not hearing it regularly? The devil is a cunning and deceitful enemy, and he whispers lies to us constantly. We are bombarded every day with messages coming from within and without telling us who we are and what we need. The truth we hear on Sundays is our compass and reorients our direction upward. It reminds us that we are not ultimately of this world, that we are travelers passing through.
“The truth we hear on Sundays is our compass and reorients our direction upward. ”
We need to hear the Word preached to us to help us grow in the grace and knowledge of our Savior. If we really believe that the Bible is God’s word and the method in which he speaks to us today, what better way is there to spend our time than hearing it preached? One of my favorite verses reminds us of just how powerful God’s word is:
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Heb. 4:12)
2. Cultivate the skill of preaching the gospel to yourself.
You are at church on a Sunday morning. You hear a wonderful sermon and are reminded of who you are in Christ. You are moved by his love for you and assured that the work has been done for your salvation. Your sins have been put to death on that cross. “It is finished.” You have a glorious day of rest with your family. And then Monday hits.
There is a to-do list a mile long, and you feel like you are drowning. You argue with your husband and snap at your children. The relentless pressures of life are weighing you down. That night you collapse into bed, playing the movie reel of the day in your mind. You start to tally up your performance as a wife, mother, and follower of Christ. And you come up very, very short. The feelings of inadequacy and failure come crashing down. And the truth of Sunday morning is but a distant memory.
This common, everyday scenario is where the importance of preaching the gospel to yourself is critical. You take the solid teaching you hear on a Sunday morning, tuck it into your heart, and tap into it all throughout the week. You remind yourself that your forgiveness and redemption is not subjective—it is not based upon how you feel about yourself or how you are performing.
Beloved child of the King, remember your worth and continue to seek out the truth. Run from the enemy and his lies. You are precious, irreplaceable, and bought with the precious blood of Jesus.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:38-39)
This article was originally published on October 24, 2019.
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Refresh: Embracing a Grace-Paced Life in a World of Endless Demands by Shona and David Murray
Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture by David Murray
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