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There has been a lot of discussion recently about how to rightly love and respect women in the church. Here are nine ways Christian men can communicate to women that they are valued members of the body of Christ.
1. Let women know you care about them.
It doesn’t take a lot of time to let women know you care about them, and your efforts will almost always be appreciated. Women have a wide spectrum of interests that goes far beyond what are commonly considered women’s topics. Sometimes men can assume that women don’t care about theology, but this is often far from the mark. Women want to grow in theological knowledge, for theology is about life with God.
Both women and men are image-bearers of God and have many of the same concerns, anxieties, hopes, disappointments, and dreams. Women can tell if men are genuinely interested in talking with them. When a man shows interest in what a woman is saying and values her thoughts expressed, he is showing respect for her. Women want opportunities to care about their brothers in Christ in the same way.
2. Take women’s concerns with seriousness and respect.
A woman may approach you as a pastor, elder, deacon, or layperson in the church with a concern she has regarding the sinful behavior of someone in her family, church, or community toward her or someone she knows. Always give her the honor of taking her words seriously and with respect.
As you also take the necessary action to protect her and others from harm, keep in mind that the woman may need help going through the Matthew 18 process due to safety factors. While it’s possible that she could be lying, please remember that it often takes much courage for a woman to speak up. She or someone she knows may face retribution for bringing the problem to light. By reaching out to you a woman may be risking her own physical, emotional, and spiritual safety and that of all others connected to the matter. Don’t brush her off or devalue her concerns, hoping the problem will go away or be resolved on its own.
3. Encourage women to grow in theological knowledge.
It is often the case that women who love theology also enjoy teaching or mentoring other women. Perhaps they want to write about Christian topics and have their writing published. Even though women are not ordained as officers, growing in knowledge and wisdom in theology is for all the saints. Wonderful ways for women and men to grow in such knowledge are theological education in the church, robust reading, and even attending seminary (Col. 1:9-10; 3:1-2, 16). Point them to sound books and resources that will help them develop discernment on Christian doctrine and application.
If a woman is interested in studying theology at a more advanced level, encourage her to attend seminary to acquire a formal education. Being associated with a sound seminary brings with it the additional responsibility to represent the school honorably, both while in school and after graduation, and this is a good thing. This benefit of association is a blessing because it helps keep men and women safe within the confessional boundaries of the historical church. Furthermore, a seminary education benefits women in building professional connections in both academic and pastoral spheres that would be difficult to acquire otherwise.
4. Be open to opportunities to mentor women.
Women don’t have the same opportunities men have to connect with pastors and theologians (who are mostly male) on a casual level, such as meeting up at a local coffee shop to engage in robust theological debate. If you are someone with advanced knowledge of the Christian faith and nuanced theological matters, consider some God-honoring ways in which you could be of help to women.
It is clear wisdom that pastors cannot mentor women in the same way as men, but in group settings pastors and elders can create opportunities for women to participate in theological discussion. You could also take some time to review a woman’s written work to ensure her content is sound and a blessing to the church. It is far better to catch problematic teaching before it is published, especially when it comes to anything in print, as it is far more difficult to revise. While you don’t have to say yes to every request from a woman to advise her or review her writing, doing so now and then is a wonderful way to support a sister in Christ.
5. Treat women (and men) with grace.
It’s certainly in keeping with the golden rule to give people the benefit of the doubt where we can and show grace to them. For example, if someone has written something that concerns you, consider reaching out to the person personally before making a critical comment online. Just because the author is a woman, don’t rush to assume she meant to challenge the orthodox teachings of the historic church. It may be that her wording was not as clear as she meant it to be; it may also be that she is lacking in some knowledge.
While many people assume that anything posted publicly online is fair game for public criticism, that doesn’t mean it’s wise to immediately post your concerns. A significant problem with Christian blogging is that authors don’t always have their content adequately reviewed before posting it. While believers have liberty in Christ to publish God-honoring Christian content, they need to exercise much wisdom in doing so.
Women should be prepared to receive criticism when any content of theirs is published. If a woman wants to be respected at the same level as a man for her theological knowledge, she should expect to be treated the same in the public sphere. Still, we’re all human and make mistakes. Give her the opportunity to correct her error before pointing it out online. Most men would likely appreciate the same courtesy as well. This is one way to love one another in the church. Sadly, many online critiques are harsh and unnuanced, showing little or no effort made to pursue the truth in love. If you still think it’s best to criticize someone publicly, also pray for the person that your feedback would be received humbly with an open heart to correction.
6. Provide opportunities for women to serve.
It goes without saying that women can do a lot and do it well. Special officers in the church have only so much time to care for the congregation, and there are many opportunities for women to serve in the church in their general office (OPC BCO Ch. III). Women can build up fellow believers in the body of Christ by praying, gathering for group studies, and teaching children in Sunday School. They can meet practical needs by preparing meals, running errands for the sick and elderly, caring for expectant and new mothers, and being a trusted Christian sister to single and married women in the congregation.
If you hold special office in the church, ask the women in your congregation how you can support them in developing their gifts. Perhaps you could lead a Bible study for women or organize a group of congregants (women only or both men and women) to meet a particular need in the church such as hospitality. Encourage older women to mentor younger women by letting them know that their wisdom and life experience are valued by the church session (Tit. 2:3-5).
7. Protect women from sinning in their participation in the local church.
Women not only need protection from physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse, but they also need protection in how they participate in the life of their congregation. In the pursuit of seeking to treat women and men equally in the church, it has become increasingly popular to hold the wrong belief that to love women is to ordain them. Permitting women to hold special office in the church or even perform some of the roles restricted to special officers contradicts the clear teaching of Scripture (1 Cor. 14:33-35; 1 Tim. 2:11-15; 3:1-13). To encourage and allow women to serve in the very areas God has forbidden women to participate is not loving them.
Some Christians have argued that there was no hierarchical authority structure in Adam and Eve’s relationship in the garden of Eden prior to their fall into sin. According to this line of thinking, if there was no hierarchy before the fall, then authoritative male headship was not God’s original design but rather part of the post-fall curse. Thus, husbands and wives are to equally submit to each other, and all those verses in the New Testament about wifely submission and women not being able to teach authoritatively in the church must mean something else.
While the meaning of Genesis 3:16b has been highly debated (“‘Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he shall rule over you’”; NASB), sound exegesis of the verse cannot contradict New Testament passages on authority and submission in marriage or the roles of women in the church. The Forty-Fifth General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in America is helpful here regarding the cohesiveness of the book of Genesis and the New Testament in its Report of the Ad Interim Committee on Women Serving in the Ministry of the Church: “Paul’s whole discussion in 1 Timothy 2:11-15 is squarely based on Genesis 1-3. Eve was deceived, but Adam is responsible (Rom. 5:12, 19; 1 Cor. 15:21-22) because he failed in his role as covenant keeper and federal head” (p. 22:20-23).
As theologian Claire Smith points out in her book God’s Good Design: What the Bible Really Says about Men and Women, “our task is to sit under God’s word and have it critique our culture, our lives, our relationships, our prejudices and our fears. Not vice versa” (p. 18). Acquiescing to prevailing cultural demands for equality in roles in the church is not only unloving but also harms both women and men, their congregation, their denomination, and Christ’s church around the world.
8. Be a friend to women.
A Christian man and a Christian woman can be friends, but there are particular boundaries when either one of them is married. Except in professional communication, with rare exception this friendship will take place in the public sphere and not in one-on-one meetings. Men and women who are married can spend wholesome time together with their fellow saints in many group activities and engage in a variety of edifying topics. During this time they will hopefully encourage each other to faithfully live out the Christian life with joy, dedication, and purpose.
Anything men or women discuss with someone of the opposite sex should only be something they would say in the presence of their spouses. While friendship between men and women in the church is vital for the flourishing of the body of Christ, it must be approached with much wisdom, all the while being aware of our sinful natures, as we still live in a fallen world and have not yet received our glorified bodies.
9. Value the work of women.
While it has become commonplace to give acclaim to show we value someone, particularly on social media platforms, there is much in the Bible that encourages the quiet service that no one sees. Scripture teaches that we should not perform works to be admired by others (Matt. 6:1-4; Col. 3:23). Recipients of frequent public praise may subsequently struggle with pride and self-idolatry.
Christians are to boast not in themselves or others but only in the Lord (Jer. 9:23-24). Yet, we also read in Scripture how the apostle Paul took time not only to encourage his fellow saints and give thanks for their faithfulness, particularly in his epistle greetings (e.g., Rom. 16:1-13; Eph. 1:15-21; Phil. 1:1-11; 2 Tim. 1:1-7; 1 Thess. 1:1-10; 2 Thess. 1:1-4) but also to exhort them to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess. 5:11). Some thoughtful ways men can show they value the work women do to serve the body of Christ include offering an encouraging word to a woman as she pursues various God-honoring endeavors, writing her a kind note of thanks, praying for her, or showing support in some other practical way.
It is good and right to speak up about all women being respected in the church. It is good and right to acknowledge the many ways women contribute to the nurturing of the body of Christ. May Christian men continue to support and encourage their sisters in Christ in both large and small ways to use their gifts, talents, skills, wisdom, life experience, and efforts in all their vocations, including their calling in the church, to the glory of God alone.
This article is dedicated to the men who have generously shared their content, encouragement, and wisdom in support of the work of Beautiful Christian Life, a woman-founded Christian content website.
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Le Ann Trees is managing editor of Beautiful Christian Life.
Recommended:
God's Good Design: What the Bible Really Says about Men and Women by Claire Smith
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