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When we think of God's providence, perhaps we focus on Old Testament stories like Joseph being sold into Egypt by his brothers and then God using Joseph to save God's people. Or maybe we think of Moses being prepared to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. Or perhaps we think of God's providence whenever we think of the birth of Jesus Christ and God's hand in governing and providing for him.
God’s providence is at work in every person’s life.
Yet, if we think of what God's providence is, as helpfully defined in the Westminster Shorter Catechism below, we should realize that God's providence extends to all God's creatures, which means God's providence is at work in our own lives as well:
God's works of providence are his most holy, wise and powerful preserving and governing all his creatures, and all their actions. (Westminster Shorter Catechism, Q&A 11)
The truth that God takes thought of us and has a purpose for and governs our lives should be an immense encouragement and comfort to us. As believers, our lives have meaning—and a glorious destination. The apostle Peter writes,
As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. (1 Pet. 2:4-5)
Look for God’s providential care and direction as you live each day he gives you.
Our future and even our present are centered around being part of the heavenly community, and God is making each believer in Christ part of his spiritual house, a holy priesthood. This is a picture of your ultimate glory—the end that God has planned for you, the fulfillment of your story.
And God uses everything in your life to bring you to this beautiful and glorious destination. He desires you grow in holiness, bless others, and show the glory of the image of God in your life. Therefore, you can be sure that you have gifts and skills that he has given you to do these things.
As you contemplate how God prepared Joseph for his task of being a blessing to the nations, Moses for his position of leader and guide to Israel, and most importantly Jesus for the work he had to do to bless the world, consider what things God has already been doing in your life. Look for his providential care and direction as you live each day he gives you. Be encouraged that God is shaping your life so that you can be a blessing to others and grow toward the goal of a holy priesthood.
Ayrian Yasaris associate editor of Beautiful Christian Life. This article is adapted from “God’s Providential Care for You” in BCL's May 2023 Newsletter: “God’s Providence.”
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"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." — Hebrews 3:13
In this verse, the writer of Hebrews is encouraging the church to be the church. That is, he is telling us something of what it means to live in a community with brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a responsibility that is laid upon all of us once we join the family of faith. Here we learn what it is, when we're to do it, and why it's so important.
The What of Exhorting One Another
First, the "what." The Greek word translated "exhort" (parakleite) is the word of strong encouragement. Maybe you recognize it from the word Paraclete, an older term referring to the Holy Spirit and referred to by Jesus as "the comforter" or "the helper" (John 14:16). This word is often used in secular Greek literature of the naval or military commander putting strength into his sailors or soldiers.
Thus, believers are expected to exercise a daily, cheering ministry to other Christians. We are not meant to be a burden: nitpicking at all the things we think people are doing wrong or could be doing better. We are not meant to sit in judgment over others either. We are called to be cheerleaders. We are to mimic those traits of the Holy Spirit and be a help and an encouragement.
It is never fitting for believers to adopt the depressing pessimistic outlook of a godless world. With God things can always be better, and Christians ought to be the first to say so. It is far from easy for many believers to live and witness effectively for Christ in contemporary society. Every Christian ought to be able to count on the cheering encouragement of his fellow believers. To make that possible, every member of the body of Christ should grasp opportunities in every day to speak the uplifting word and do the supportive thing for his Christian partners in Christ. (p. 88)
Did you notice how often we are meant to do this? Every single day. That's the "when." There is no statute of limitations on being an encouragement. Each day think of someone who might need a supportive word—perhaps a note, a visit, a phone call. Don't wait then. Do it. Satan never stops his attempts to discourage the people of God; therefore, we should never stop in our work of comforting and encouraging and exhorting.
The Why of Exhorting One Another
Finally, "why" is this such a crucial task? The author of Hebrews says that without this constant encouragement, we are prone to the "hardness of the deceitfulness of sin" (Heb. 3:13). Without the encouraging word of the gospel preached to us every single day from within and from without, we are likely to instead believe the lie of the devil. We will become discouraged and calloused to biblical truth. We will build walls with Satan's lies that block out the light of Christ. It is our God-given calling as Christians to keep our brothers and sisters from falling into this darkness. Indeed, even the act of looking outside of ourselves to help others is one of the main ways we prevent ourselves from stumbling and slipping.
God has willed that we should seek and find His living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of man. Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged…the Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure. (p. 23)
May we all seek to present this certain Christ to others every single day.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.
"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." — Hebrews 3:13
In this verse, the writer of Hebrews is encouraging the church to be the church. That is, he is telling us something of what it means to live in a community with brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a responsibility that is laid upon all of us once we join the family of faith. Here we learn what it is, when we're to do it, and why it's so important.
The What of Exhorting One Another
First, the "what." The Greek word translated "exhort" (parakleite) is the word of strong encouragement. Maybe you recognize it from the word Paraclete, an older term referring to the Holy Spirit and referred to by Jesus as "the comforter" or "the helper" (John 14:16). This word is often used in secular Greek literature of the naval or military commander putting strength into his sailors or soldiers.
Thus, believers are expected to exercise a daily, cheering ministry to other Christians. We are not meant to be a burden: nitpicking at all the things we think people are doing wrong or could be doing better. We are not meant to sit in judgment over others either. We are called to be cheerleaders. We are to mimic those traits of the Holy Spirit and be a help and an encouragement.
It is never fitting for believers to adopt the depressing pessimistic outlook of a godless world. With God things can always be better, and Christians ought to be the first to say so. It is far from easy for many believers to live and witness effectively for Christ in contemporary society. Every Christian ought to be able to count on the cheering encouragement of his fellow believers. To make that possible, every member of the body of Christ should grasp opportunities in every day to speak the uplifting word and do the supportive thing for his Christian partners in Christ. (p. 88)
Did you notice how often we are meant to do this? Every single day. That's the "when." There is no statute of limitations on being an encouragement. Each day think of someone who might need a supportive word—perhaps a note, a visit, a phone call. Don't wait then. Do it. Satan never stops his attempts to discourage the people of God; therefore, we should never stop in our work of comforting and encouraging and exhorting.
The Why of Exhorting One Another
Finally, "why" is this such a crucial task? The author of Hebrews says that without this constant encouragement, we are prone to the "hardness of the deceitfulness of sin" (Heb. 3:13). Without the encouraging word of the gospel preached to us every single day from within and from without, we are likely to instead believe the lie of the devil. We will become discouraged and calloused to biblical truth. We will build walls with Satan's lies that block out the light of Christ. It is our God-given calling as Christians to keep our brothers and sisters from falling into this darkness. Indeed, even the act of looking outside of ourselves to help others is one of the main ways we prevent ourselves from stumbling and slipping.
God has willed that we should seek and find His living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of man. Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged…the Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure. (p. 23)
May we all seek to present this certain Christ to others every single day.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. — Proverbs 31:10
In Proverbs 31 we find the marvelous poem about the strong woman. And by this elaborate and tightly written poem, we will not only be swept up in the wise talents and virtues of women, but we will also learn more about our Savior.
The Proverbs 31 woman is given a title in verse 10—an excellent wife/woman. Now, the Hebrew word here for “excellent” (hayil) has quite the range of meaning; thus, in English versions it is rendered: valiant, capable, wealthy, worthy, virtuous, good, and brave. This word has the basic sense of being strong, powerful. And from this, it can take on connotations like wealthy, noble and brave. It is best to render this as the strong woman, the strong wife. The rest of the poem teases out all the ways in which, and nuances of how, this woman is strong.
Proverbs 31 describes the strong woman from A to Z.
The setting for the rest of the book of Proverbs has been a father teaching his son. It has instructed us about the wise man. The final section of the last chapter of Proverbs is its own distinct unit. It sets forth and praises the ideal type of woman, extolling the paragon feminine virtues and talents, both ethical and practical. This woman is the wise man’s counterpart—the wise woman. There are numerous similarities between this woman and Lady Wisdom back in Proverbs 8-9. Yet, where Lady Wisdom personified wisdom itself, as one of God’s attributes, this woman typifies wisdom.
The ideal of Proverbs 31:10-31 serves the purpose of highlighting the full grandeur of a woman’s wisdom.
The Proverbs 31 woman excels and exhibits all the talents of wisdom in her life and world. Moreover, as this poem paints a portrait of this type of woman, it is an ideal picture. It displays the best, the supreme and the faultless. As a whole, this woman seems a bit utopian and incredible, over the top.
Yet, the ideal serves the purpose to highlight the full grandeur of a woman’s wisdom. In fact, this poem is also an alphabetic acrostic, which means that each verse starts with successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. In Hebrew, this is the “A to Z” of a woman’s wisdom. And yet, even though she is idealized and a bit incredible, this woman is also feasible.
All her talents are practical and attainable in real life. This is in part why she is a wife and mother. This woman isn’t a wife because this is the essence of femininity. No, Paul advocates for singleness as good and proper. A single woman can express this wisdom and be no less feminine.
Rather, she is married because it is the norm; it is realistic. Men were created to be husbands, just as women were fashioned to be wives. Marriage and family are the norm for this world. Singleness is good and fitting, but it is still the exception. Especially in the world of Proverbs, her married status makes her more feasible and practical.
What is the purpose of this poem on the strong woman, and how should we respond to it?
The status of the listener is critical to how we ought to respond. For example, if you are a young woman, the strong woman is a model for you to admire and seek to emulate. If you are a young man, you should be attracted to and seek out such a woman to marry.
If you are an older, married man, this poem should ignite gratitude and honor for your wife and her achievements. And if you are an older, married woman, this poem praises and thanks you for your talents and deeds. This poem then very much interacts with its different audiences to instill the appropriate response. Nevertheless, who is this strong woman?
The strong woman is uncommon, special, and precious.
The strong woman, who can find her? (Prov. 31:10). This is a question of rarity and value. It isn’t that she is impossible to find, but rather, she is uncommon, special, and precious. Thus, her worth is beyond that of rubies and jewels. This is not putting a price tag on the strong woman, as if she is a commodity only the rich can afford.
Rather, this means her value is beyond any monetary scale. To price her with money would be blasphemous. Such excellent strength in a woman is beyond what dollars and gold can buy. Thus, her husband values her beyond all else, and he trusts her. He has complete confidence in her fidelity and ability.
Proverbs 31 describes the strong woman with military imagery.
The strong woman is completely trustworthy—she will never cheat or let him down:
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain. (Prov. 31:11)
The word for gain is literally plunder, the spoils of war. This describes the strong woman with military imagery; she is always winning and bringing home the spoils of her victories. She fights and wins for her husband.
She repays him good and not evil all the days of her life (Prov. 31:12). She is a rock of goodness in her twenties and an anchor of blessing in her sixties. And in what ways does she do good and bring home spoils for her family?
The poem just keeps listing off her victories. She seeks wool and linen and works with willing hands (Prov. 31:13). Like the ships of a merchant, she brings in food from afar. This places the strong woman in the manufacturing plant and in the marketplace. Making clothes and textiles was the typical work of women back in ancient times. The strong woman happily creates and sews garments, and in the market she is a wheeler and dealer. If some exotic ingredient or item is needed, this lady has an amazing talent of finding it (Prov. 31:14). Whether it is at a yard sale or on eBay, she will find that random thing for the eighth-grade science fair, and it only costs a quarter!
The strong woman devotedly cares for her household throughout the day.
Next, we are shown a brief snippet of the strong woman’s day:
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens. (Prov. 31:15)
Before the sun has peeked its head over the horizon, this mother is up and moving. While it is still dark, she already has breakfast laid out for her whole household. In fact, the word for food in verse 15 is literally “prey,” what predators pounce on. The strong woman is depicted here as a lioness. Under the shadow of dawn, she hunts and drags home a gazelle for her pride.
The strong woman even has perfect portions for her maids and servants. Having servants is indicative of the woman’s well-to-do status, but it exhibits further talents. A servant’s portion requires the skill of management and stewardship. This woman is a master of organization and proportion. Additionally, care for servants is a moral virtue of kindness and fairness. In our day, we would say, “she takes good care of her employees.” She is not an exploitive boss, but a caring one.
The strong woman is skilled in business, and she is tenacious and goal oriented.
Next, now that breakfast is done, the strong woman heads to the escrow office. She contracts and buys a field; then, with her proceeds, she plants a vineyard (Prov. 31:16). She is skilled in financial, contractual, and business activities. She takes on farming, agriculture, and viticulture as though she is juggling five balls at once! From pruning a vine to balancing a budget, it is all in a normal morning’s routine for the strong woman.
Next, she hits the gym (Prov. 31:17). Literally, she girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong. Before Rosie the Riveter posed for World War II, the strong woman of Proverbs 31 had powerful arms. In fact, this girding up your loins is what soldiers do for battle or athletes do for the game. She is as ready as a marine for war, or as a runner for the Olympics. This imagery shows the strong woman’s mental awareness and tenacity to pursue her goals. This strength is not just physical, but it is also the mental and spiritual tenacity of virtue and competency.
Finally, this strong woman is able to taste that her merchandise is good (Prov. 31:18). This tasting of merchandise has two senses: First, she enjoys her accomplishments; she can savor her profits and take pleasure in her achievements.
Second, to taste can refer to discernment. When you are buying and selling things, you have to determine quality. This woman can feel and smell out the perfect watermelon. Her kids bring her containers of leftovers: “Does this smell okay?” Nothing rancid gets by her nose. And she is busy with her quality control late into the evening—"her lamp doesn’t go out at night” (v. 18). The strong woman is up before the sun and doesn’t finish up until the moon is full. She checks off every task on her to-do list.
The strong woman’s hands are skilled and generous.
When kids sit on their mom’s lap, they notice and play with her hands. A mother’s hands tell their own stories, and we are shown the hands of the strong woman. Her palms hold the spindle; her hands work the distaff (Prov. 31:19). These are the tools of spinning wool. Her hands are skilled with tools: knives, pliers, and hammers. Her palms are machines of productivity and creativity. Her hands are generous.
Charity flows from her arms. The needy and poor find kindness and liberality in the open palms of the strong woman (Prov. 31:20). As we have seen throughout Proverbs, charity to the needy is one of classic virtues of wisdom, and the strong woman has this wisdom talent in spades. Next, we shift from her hands to her clothes, from creativity to her products.
The strong woman dresses her family in clothes that are both warm and fashionable, functional and appealing.
The strong woman is not afraid of a little snow. Storms and bad weather don’t scare her, for she has robed her family in scarlet (Prov. 31:21). This mom sticks gloves in her daughter’s backpack; she makes her boys put on a coat before leaving the house. This is the skill of preparation and protection.
Moreover, scarlet is the color of fashion and expense—scarlet wool is fine, comely, and beautiful. The strong woman dresses her family in clothes that are both warm and fashionable, functional and appealing. She makes her family look good; she has style. She sews her own bedding and clothes from purple linen (Prov. 31:22).
Purple is the color of royalty and honor. This woman doesn’t just care and provide for her family, but she takes care of herself too. Her style is classy and regal. In fact, it says, “strength and dignity are her clothing” (Prov. 31:25). She is adorned with majesty and power. These garments represent her character and spiritual virtues. Her moral fiber and upright skills drape over her like a queenly robe.
Wisdom and knowledge have filled the mind and heart of the strong woman.
Next, we are shown the academic side of the strong woman. Her mouth opens with wisdom; her tongue speaks trustworthy teaching (Prov. 31:26). This lady is smart—wisdom and knowledge has filled her mind and heart. And she is able to teach it.
Her intellectual and rhetorical skills are top-notch. Sadly, there are misogynist parts of our culture and history that claim academics are only for men, but such chauvinism does not come from God’s word. For this strong woman is an intellectual, an educator. She even keeps her family accountable—she watches over “the ways of her household” (Prov. 31:27).
“Household” here refers to the whole family, including her husband; “ways” refer to behavior both moral and practical, and to watch over, or “look well,” is to keep in-line. The strong woman guards the morals and wisdom of her family members. If her son takes a wrong turn, she straightens him out. If her husband acts the fool, she will set him right. She is a guardian and protector of wisdom in the family.
The strong woman’s family praises her.
And as she stands as the warden of wisdom, she is never lazy. The bread of idleness has never touched her tongue. And how does the family respond to the strong woman’s wisdom protection? They couldn’t be happier. There is no resentment or jealousy in the husband, no grumbling or weariness in the kids. Instead, they brag.
Her children arise to call her blessed. The husband stands and praises his wife. We even get to hear the family, what the kids and dad say in verse 29:
“Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” (NASB)
This is personal and from the heart. First, they admit that many daughters grow to become noble (it is the same Hebrew word for strong as in verse 10). While strong women aren’t so rare, their mom, his wife, is the best of all. Theoretically, there may be good women out there, but this matters not, for their mom and wife is the best ever. Love, appreciation, and honor gush from the family for their strong woman.
After this shout out to Mom, we are given the final excellency of the strong woman:
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Prov. 31:30)
At this point, we realize something that has been missing in this poem. There hasn’t been a single reference to the woman’s appearance. Yes, her purple garments were mentioned, but these referred more to moral and wisdom talents. We were shown her hands but nothing about her physical beauty. Song of Songs waxes long about the gorgeous shape of his lover; but nothing here. Why? Because beauty and appearance are fleeting and misleading.
Beauty is unreliable when it comes to wisdom.
Beauty isn’t a bad thing; Scripture considers good looks to be a blessing. Yet, beauty is unreliable and fleeting when it comes to wisdom. The strong woman may be gorgeous or unattractive. Even if she is pretty in her twenties, beauty may not last into her seventies. Sadly, our culture overly prizes women for their appearance. If you match the shapes and features of the air-brushed models, then you are valuable.
Women, don’t fall for this trap. The strong woman did have style, but she is praiseworthy because she fears the Lord. The fountainhead for all the talents, skills, and virtues of this woman is the fear of the Lord—faith and respect in the Triune God of Scripture.
The primary attribute of the strong woman is that she loves, believes, and respects God.
And why is fear of the Lord so praiseworthy? Because it is the beginning of wisdom, and all her strengths are the talents of wisdom. The primary attribute of the strong woman is that she loves, believes, and respects God. Within her breast beats a godly and pious heart. Thus, the final verse of the poem calls us to praise this woman:
Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. (Prov. 31:31)
Daughters, sons, and husbands are called to honor, praise, and thank the strong woman in their lives. Verbally and materially, we ought to reward the mothers and wives for all the ways they exhibit the strong virtues of wisdom. It has been said that being a woman is a thankless job, but this should not be. Praise, gifts, and honor for strong women should be regular features of their lives—in the home and in public spaces of life. What are we praising in the wise woman? We are praising the strong woman as being a full image-bearer of God.
Think about the virtues in which she excels: strength, diligence, generosity, self-confidence, honesty, uprightness, smartness, and planning. The areas of her activity include the home, the marketplace, agriculture, manufacturing, and the academy. She is creative, thoughtful, and productive. She teaches, provides for, and protects. She is as tenacious as a marine and as regal as a queen.
The strong woman isn’t just the ideal woman, but the ideal person, ideal wisdom.
All this wisdom, skill, and virtue are the same ones put before the son in the rest of Proverbs. The strong woman isn’t just the ideal woman, but the ideal person, ideal wisdom. True, the roles vary some between men and woman; but the abilities, talents, and character traits are the same, for both are created in the image of God.
We are praising the strong woman for her wisdom as an image-bearer of the Lord. Yet, there is one more thing that seems to be missing in this ode to the strong woman. Physical appearance was missing, but so is love. When we think of women—our mothers and wives—love, affection, and emotions are first in line.
The stereotype is that women are emotional and loving, affectionate and feeling. Yet, not a single emotion or mood describes this strong woman. This gives us liberty from the emotional generalization of women, as one can’t use Scripture to defend this view.
The strong woman shows her love by what she does.
While the emotional stereotype with which women are labeled may be more or less accurate, they are not beholden to such a stereotype. Being emotive has its strengths and weaknesses, but it doesn’t make a woman any more or less feminine. The ideal model in Proverbs 31 allows women liberty to be themselves concerning such feelings and emotions.
Secondly, the absence of love and emotive language here makes us recognize that the strong woman shows her love by what she does. Today, love is equated with passions and feelings, but in Scripture love is more about your actions. And this strong woman is all about loving action. She is a faithful wife; she hunts for food at 4:00 a.m. She covers her kids with warm clothes and teaches them the fear of the Lord and wisdom. She is kind to her employees, generous with the poor, and watchful over her family. Every wise skill here serves and expresses her love: love for her husband, her kids, and her neighbor. She loves in the family, in the business world, and in the classroom.
The strength of this wise woman is the might and majesty of love in action.
She takes care of herself, but her life is also one of wise love for others. Her strength and wisdom fulfill the second great commandment—to love your neighbor. And since she fears the Lord, her love of neighbor is her loving the Lord. The strength of this wise woman is the might and majesty of love in action.
It is this exceptional love of the strong woman that makes her intimidating. Indeed, who can love like this lady? Who has her skills? Just listening to her day makes you tired. Her wisdom makes you feel guilty; her productivity makes us all feel lazy.
If this was your neighbor, you would buy her a vacation: “Slow down. You are going to work yourself into exhaustion, a psychotic breakdown.” Society makes women feel bad enough about themselves with all the expectations it heaps on them, and this poem of the ideal woman only makes it worse. Talk about a burden of guilt—“I have to do all this as a woman.”
The Proverbs 31 woman directs us to the motherly love of Christ.
It is precisely our inadequacy before the perfect that turns us towards mercy, that roots us in the fear of the Lord. Neither men nor women can measure up to this strong woman. Of course, we want her as a mother or as a wife, but she is beyond us. We need her, but we cannot be her.
The perfect love and wisdom of the strong woman directs us to one who does resemble her, Jesus Christ. Jesus was born a man, and the resurrected Christ is the God-man at the right hand in heaven. Yet, Jesus came not only to fulfill the law for males, but for all humans—men and women. These ideal virtues were perfectly exhibited in Christ.
Christ clothes his people in the scarlet and purple of his royal righteousness.
Just like the strong woman, Jesus lived his whole life with the righteous tenacity to love others. Christ protects his people; he clothes them in the scarlet and purple of his royal righteousness. While we sleep, Jesus never slumbers as he constantly prays and protects us. We are the needy and poor to whom Christ’s hands are open with generosity.
Christ also does us good and never evil. And Christ did not hesitate to take to himself the tender and strong image of a woman: “…as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings” (Matt. 23:37), so Jesus gathers us. Thus, before any of us begin to emulate the strong woman of Proverbs 31, we are first recipients of her love in Christ.
Christ’s mercy ever holds us, and he lives as the Wisdom of God to bring us to the resurrection.
This is the wise love Christ has lavished on you and it is the love that Christ never ceases. As we fail to measure up to this woman, Christ’s mercy ever holds us. Not only will we fail, but none of us are as multi-talented at this lady. You may be good at business, but creativity is not your thing. You may be good in the kitchen, but not in the classroom. Nevertheless, despite our skill set, Christ has all the skills to love you forever. He died for your sins, and he lives as the Wisdom of God to bring you to the resurrection.
Ladies, as you grow in the wisdom of this strong woman, you are becoming more like your Savior Jesus Christ, and you are held by his grace alone. Men, may you learn from wise women as they teach you. And all of us, may we do what the poem says and praise with gratitude. May we sing first and foremost about Christ and his love. May we praise our wives, our mothers, and strong women as wonderful image-bearers of God, redeemed in Christ.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.
Male handsomeness and female beauty are good gifts from God. Scripture is unashamed to speak of men who had attractive physical appearances (Gen. 39:6; 1 Sam. 9:2; 16:12; 17:42; 2 Sam. 14:25; 21:21; 1 Kings 1:6; Ps. 45:2; Songs 5:10-16) and of women who had beautiful faces and—get this—beautiful bodies (Gen. 12:11; 14; 26:7; 29:17; 1 Sam. 25:3; 2 Sam. 11:2; 13:1; 14:27; 1 Kings 1:4; Job 42:15; Songs 4:1-5).
Yet, I am regularly asked if it is important for a Christian man or woman to be physically attracted to the person they are dating. As I’ve asked this question in the past, I’ve found that counsel usually comes in one of two basic answers. One answer is that no, physical attraction isn’t important and shouldn’t be part of one’s initial consideration; rather, a person’s godly character should be the paramount factor. Another answer suggests that while godly character should be the primary factor, physical attraction is important and should also be part of the equation.
Unfortunately, while I agree more with the second of the two, neither of the typical answers to this question go deep enough to provide sufficiently biblical counsel. In order to fully answer this question, we must consider physical attraction from both a male and female perspective, while also considering why physical attraction may be lacking in either case.
Men and Physical Attraction
It seems to go without saying that men, generally speaking, are initially drawn to a woman based on whether or not he finds her physically attractive. A Christian man will be looking for far more than physical beauty (Prov. 11:22; 31:30), but that doesn’t negate the fact that physical attraction may be, and often is, the initial cause of interest. And, let’s be clear: there’s nothing necessarily unspiritual about that.
I’ve observed situations, however, where godly, well-intentioned, and otherwise wise men have counseled single brothers to not let the lack of physical attraction keep them from pursuing a godly woman. While I respect the effort of these men to uphold a woman’s character as the supreme consideration, I believe their counsel—to the degree that they merely instructed the young men to trudge ahead with the relationship without sensing any physical attraction—was superficial and ultimately unhelpful.
Rarely does anyone ask the question of why physical attraction is not present in such cases. Yet, it is this question that, if asked carefully and compassionately, has the power to unearth sin and wrong thinking and actually serve to nurture physical attraction in the heart. When a young man asks me, “Do you believe I should be physically attracted to my girlfriend?” I answer, “Yes!” In fact, I think there should be more men in the church who are attracted to more women than is presently the case! But I believe there are numerous reasons for why it is often lacking in men.
Men can be prideful regarding the kind of woman they think they deserve.
If we think highly of ourselves and the kind of woman we deserve, then we will be disabled from beholding and appreciating the beauty of the women around us. Pride blinds the eyes and skews the judgment (Ps. 25:9; James 4:6), even in the area of romance. When it comes to relationships, proud men will pass by many worthy women because they have become convinced they deserve a certain kind of woman: a particular body shape, hair color, background, or ethnicity. But when we have a clear view of what we truly deserve—an eternity enduring God’s righteous judgment against our sin—that simple, godly girl we’ve known for the past couple years begins to appear very attractive, almost irresistible. A man should be attracted to the woman he is pursuing, but pride will often keep many a man from appreciating the beauty of the women already in his midst.
Not enough attention is given to a woman’s character.
To the godly man, the beauty of a woman’s holiness will actually enhance her physical beauty in his eyes (Prov. 30:10; Rom. 10:15; 1 Peter 3:4). Those who say that physical attraction isn’t important are at least right to emphasize the woman’s character as a vital consideration. The most physically beautiful of women will appear unattractive to a Christian man if her beauty is coupled with immoral character (see Prov. 11:22). Nevertheless, attraction is holistic, and it is possible that physical attraction is lacking in a man if he is not placing enough emphasis on a woman’s character which will, over time, serve to adorn her physical beauty in his eyes. This is usually the underlying assumption of those who suggest that physical attraction is unimportant, but the men they counsel would be better served if they were told that physical attraction can and should grow when proper weight is given to a woman’s inner beauty.
Men are taught a wrong understanding of “attraction.”
Contrary to popular Hollywood portrayals of romance and relationships, genuine attraction does not necessarily consist in an experience of “love at first sight” or unearthly feelings of romantic transport. I’ve counseled men who’ve been concerned about whether or not they are truly attracted to their girlfriend because their initial meeting didn’t result in intense feelings of desire and visions of destiny. There’s nothing wrong if romantic relationships begin this way, but we must be careful that we don’t bypass a potential relationship because it didn’t begin like the latest box office blockbuster.
Men are influenced by the culture’s standard of beauty.
Our culture has also imprinted a certain ideal of beauty onto our minds. Specifically, we are told (and shown) over and over that true physical beauty is found primarily in a particular body shape or hair color or facial structure. We are also taught to value physical beauty supremely and treat a woman’s inner beauty as secondary. This mindset is devastating to our relationships and our hope for marriage because physical beauty must diminish over time. Those who attempt to preserve their physical beauty into old age risk destroying their physical appearance altogether, as we’ve witnessed in some horrendous celebrity plastic surgery mishaps. When we are walking in humility and pursuing the right things, it is possible to be physically attracted to many different kinds of women, not merely those who appear on the magazine covers.
Pornography decimates a man’s ability to appreciate beauty.
It is no exaggeration to say that soft and hardcore pornography has decimated many a man’s ability to appreciate the physical beauty of the women around him. The ease of access to pornography has allowed men to store up naked or scantily dressed—often air-brushed and utterly unrealistic—images of what he perceives to be the perfect woman. But the more a man immerses himself in fantasy, the less able he will be to appreciate reality, to the peril of his hopes for marriage. Why are men, more and more, losing their taste for real physical beauty? Because they are, more and more, drinking from the poisoned well of pornography.
Some men struggle with same-sex attraction.
It is also possible that a man finds that he is not physically attracted to his girlfriend because he is, generally speaking, attracted to other men. Should we counsel a Christian man in such a scenario to plod ahead in his relationship and ignore his desires? No, I don’t think so. Again, we should recognize that physical attraction is important and that it is possible for a man wrestling with same-sex attraction to grow in his attraction for the woman he is dating. He should be encouraged by stories of men for whom this has been the case.
Women and Physical Attraction
It seems that, by and large, physical attraction is the initial movement of the man’s soul, and as he pursues a woman, she may become more physically attracted to him. We would be wrong to conclude, however, that physical attraction does not matter to women. It does.
The reasons it may be lacking in some women can be similar to the reasons it is lacking in men: pride, not enough attention given to man’s godliness, concern about the lack of euphoric romantic feelings, a wrong standard of male handsomeness, same-sex attraction, and now more than ever, pornography.
Women face similar struggles as men do in the area of physical attractiveness.
But women must also be aware of their design in relation to men. God has created the man to be the pursuer and the one who woos and wins his wife. “He who findsa wife finds a good thing” (Prov. 18:22), the Proverbs tell us, which implies that the man is seeking after his wife. As a man pursues a woman, she often naturally grows more and more physically attracted to him as she is able to perceive his godly character and intentional leadership.
Practically, ladies, this means that you should be willing to give a worthy guy a chance to win your affection. If, after a reasonable amount of time you are still bereft of any desire or attraction, you can end the relationship. That’s why Paul says that an unmarried woman can marry “whoever she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). You are not obligated by the mere pursuit to marry any particular man.
But this question of physical attraction also naturally leads to the question of how a Christian should care for his or her physical appearance.
Christians should be intentional in how they dress in general, not drawing attention for opulence or neglect.
It seems reasonable to say that a Christian should neither neglect his or her physical appearance nor worship it. It is not a mark of holiness to allow your physical appearance to deteriorate, nor is it ultra-spiritual to purposefully neglect your clothing or hygiene. When Proverbs 31:30 says that “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,” it means these features are deceitful and vain when they exist apart from the kind of godly character described in the previous verses of Proverbs 31 (see Prov. 31:10-31).
What, then, should mark our physical appearance? This is not an easy question to answer, for Scripture doesn’t say too much on the subject. But I will attempt an answer that, I trust, makes reasonable use of what Scripture does say.
A Christian’s life should be lived intentionally, not haphazardly (Prov. 4:26; 21:5; Eph. 5:15-17). This intentionality will be naturally expressed in how we dress. A lack of intentionality in life is a mark of youth and immaturity, and a lack of intentionality in how we adorn ourselves may be an overflow of our life as a whole. Intentionality does not imply that we must wear expensive clothing or latest fashions, but only that we give some thought and attention to what we are wearing so as not to be a distraction to others.
Wearing what is appropriate for a given occasion is an expression of intentionality, and it shows respect for others (Matt. 22:39; 1 Peter 2:13-14). If you wear pajamas to a formal gala, you will not only embarrass yourself, you will embarrass the host, the person who invited you, and make all the attendees feel awkward. This kind of neglect is a refusal to love one’s neighbor as oneself.
We should avoid distracting others with our wealth or drawing attention to ourselves by neglecting our physical appearance (1 Peter 3:1ff; Matt. 6:16-18). In both cases—opulence and neglect—we are focused on ourselves rather than on Christ and others. If we are most concerned with drawing people’s attention to Christ through our word, conduct, and character, then we will not be likely to dress in a such a way that draws undue attention to ourselves through our overly fancy clothing or poor hygiene.
Christians should take reasonable care of their physical bodies.
Our physical health is a stewardship (Prov. 20:29; 31:17; 1 Tim. 4:8; 5:23). We should desire to remain useful to our King and to his people for as long as possible. Eating well (with self-control and a reasonable attention to healthy food), getting adequate sleep and exercise are ways we can steward our health. None of these guarantee that we will remain healthy, and some of us may suffer illnesses that hinder our ability to exercise and make it difficult to maintain our weight. But for our part, we should desire to maintain our health so we can labor diligently for the Lord and for others as long as possible. Personal hygiene is a matter of loving one’s neighbor (Song 7:8; Matt. 22:39). Brush your teeth. Take a shower. Comb your hair. Wear deodorant. Chew gum when necessary. Personal hygiene is not primarily about you; it’s about respect for others.
God has made us embodied creatures, now and for all eternity. Our bodies are important. How we clothe them and think about physical attraction in our romantic relationships are significant issues, because they relate to God’s good creation and the stewardship of it.
Derek J. Brownis Academic Dean at The Cornerstone Seminary in Vallejo, California, and associate pastor at Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley where he oversees the college and young adult ministry, online presence, and publishing ministry, GBF Press. Derek blogs atfromthestudy.com.
By Renata Sedmakova; photo from Shutterstock.com. TURIN, ITALY; Women Visit the Empty Tomb in Church Chiesa di Santo Tommaso by C. Secchi.
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Is Christianity private or public? Does the truth about Christ Jesus, who is the object of my faith, depend on my own private beliefs, or is there something verifiable that can be "fact-checked"? The reason I pose these questions is because we are living in a time when the determination of truth and untruth have turned inward, making one's own personal beliefs the measure of what is true or not.
While examining and verifying evidence and testimony may be found in courts of law, in the press and many political and personal interactions it is common to observe persons passing off as truth what are merely their own feelings, opinions, and beliefs, often without evidence or verifiable testimony.
The resurrection of Jesus was a very public miracle.
Not so with the resurrection of Christ Jesus. The resurrection of Jesus was a very public miracle witnessed by many and supported by evidence at the time it occurred and afterward. The evidence is recorded in Scripture. There are about 5,250 ancient Greek manuscripts of books and parts of the New Testament that record Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. The earliest is dated to about 90 years after his death (Rylands Library Papyrus 52).
The books of the New Testament that we read today were recognized by the ancient church as the authoritative word of God, and they continue to be so even after centuries of critical examination and debate. Notably, the ancient church—its leaders and members—testified to their authenticity in writing and, sadly in many cases, with their lives when they were martyred for witnessing to what they knew was true about our Lord and Savior.
Skeptics of Christianity often challenge the truth about the resurrection, but they do so without evidence.
Many also personally witnessed the resurrection. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians, testified that the resurrected Christ Jesus appeared not only to the apostles but also to more than 500 other people (1 Cor. 15:6)! There were quite a few witnesses whom skeptics could examine, but instead of fading away as a conspiracy, the truth of Jesus' resurrection was so strong that the church continued to grow and the gospel of Christ Jesus spread from Jerusalem and the Mediterranean beyond into Europe.
So, what is the point today? Skeptics of Christianity often challenge the truth about the resurrection, but they do so without evidence. They simply can't believe a miracle like that actually occurred, even in the face of significant historical evidence. The resurrection of Christ Jesus was not a fantasy or a vast conspiracy. There were too many witnesses and too much written testimony to easily dismiss it. Today, skeptics should be encouraged to examine the historical evidence and then consider the evidence of Christ's church.
Christ is the resurrection and the life!
Jesus said he would build his church and nothing would prevail against it. Today the church reaches to nearly every part of the earth—our resurrected Lord and Savior continues to build it by the power of his Spirit working through the Word. Christ is the resurrection and the life! Those are historical facts to be recognized.
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People who have new life in Christ have the Holy Spirit indwelling them. They are filled with gratitude for all God has done for them through the perfect work of Christ imputed to them by God’s grace alone through faith alone. They want to honor God in all things and love him wholeheartedly. Here are twelve things people who love God want to do, along with corresponding Bible verses (all Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version):
1. They want to worship him.
People who love God take the time to give God the worship he rightly deserves as their Creator and Savior, both as they gather with the saints for corporate worship and in their private devotions.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness. (Ps. 29:2)
And Jesus answered him, “It is written, “‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.’” (Luke 4:8)
But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.” (John 4:23)
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Rom. 11:36)
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Rom. 12:1)
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Heb. 10:24-25)
2. They want to praise him.
People who love God cannot help but speak words of praise to him, rejoicing in his attributes and loving acts.
“The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.” (Exod. 15:2)
My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all the day. (Ps. 71:8)
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! (Ps. 150:6)
O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure. (Isa. 52:1)
And the crowds that went before him and that followed him were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!” (Matt. 21:9)
Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. (Heb. 13:15)
3. They want to pray to him.
People who love God know that he alone is sovereign over all things and that he wants them to come to him in prayer with all their petitions.
I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. (Ps. 116:1-2)
“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matt. 6:6)
And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. (Luke 18:1)
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Rom. 12:12)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Phil 4:6)
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. (Col. 4:2)
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. (1 John 5:14)
4. They want to fear him.
People who love God fear him not with a sense of terror but rather with a sense of awe, respect, and reverence.
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. (Eccl. 12:13)
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! (Ps. 111:10)
“And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.” (Luke 1:50)
Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. (2 Cor. 7:1)
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe. (Heb. 12:28)
4. They want him to forgive them.
People who love God want to ask his forgiveness for any sins they have committed against him and their neighbor.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. (Ps. 86:5)
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matt. 6:12)
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (Col. 1:13-14)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
5. They want to give thanks to him.
People who love God know that they are sinners who deserve God’s just punishment but instead are declared righteous in his sight through faith in Christ, and their hearts are overflowing with gratitude for all God mercies toward them.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. (Ps. 28:7)
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. (Col. 3:16)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thess. 5:16-18)
6. They want to trust him.
People who love God know that they can trust God, even when the circumstances of life don’t make any sense to them. They know God will bring his good plans to fruition in his perfect timing.
And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. (Ps. 9:10)
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. (Ps. 13:5-6)
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah. (Ps. 62:8)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Prov. 3:5-6)
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isa. 26:3)
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. (Heb. 11:6)
7. They want to love his law.
People who love God want to uphold all of God’s moral law, for in doing so they fulfill their duty as his children and show love to him and his creation.
Blessed are those whose way is blameless,
who walk in the law of the Lord!
Blessed are those who keep his testimonies,
who seek him with their whole heart,
who also do no wrong,
but walk in his ways! (Ps. 119:1-3)
Oh how I love your law!
It is my meditation all the day. (Ps. 119:97)
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (1 Cor. 10:31)
8. They want to know him.
People who love God enjoy learning all they can about him in both creation (God’s general revelation) and the Bible (God’s special revelation).
“But ask the beasts, and they will teach you;
the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you;
or the bushes of the earth, and they will teach you;[b]
and the fish of the sea will declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hand is the life of every living thing
and the breath of all mankind.” (Job 12:7-10)
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4)
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Ps. 119:11)
Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes;
and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments,
for I delight in it. (Ps. 119:33-35)
My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God. (Prov. 2:1-5)
Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” (Jer. 9:23-24)
That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. (Phil. 3:10)
“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.” (Rev. 4:11)
9. They want to share the good news of salvation in Jesus Christ with others.
People who love God want to share with others about all God has done for them in Jesus Christ and why there is no other way to be saved apart from faith in Christ.
“Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:15-16)
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matt. 28:19-20)
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. (Rom. 1:16)
For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? (Rom. 10:13-14)
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. (1 Pet. 3:15)
10. They want to spend eternity with him.
People who love God want to be with him all the time and they look forward to the day they will be in his presence in eternal joy.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Ps. 16:11)
“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” (John 5:24)
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:38-39)
For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words. (1 Thess. 4:16-18)
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:3-4)
