4 Ways to Lovingly Deal with Rejection

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At times we unfortunately deal with unwarranted rejection from friends, family, or coworkers. Whether it is on the basis of our looks, goals, socio-economic status, religion, race, or something else, all of us have probably at some point felt like the unwanted outsider.

This wrongful rejection is especially poignant when we are rejected by those who are close to us. Often the temptation is to become bitter and aloof towards these persons or to lash out in anger at those who have treated us badly. Here are four ways to lovingly deal with unwarranted rejection. 

1. Prayer 

While it’s easy to pray for friends and those who treat you well, it is very difficult to pray for those who treat you badly. But this is just what Christ commands of his children.

“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)

If they have sinned against you, they need God’s love and grace to see their error and live a life pleasing to him. They need your prayers and compassion, because without God’s grace they will stay in their sin. Not only does prayer show love, but praying for those who treat you badly helps you keep your eyes on Christ and your heart soft and less prone toward bitterness. It’s difficult to harbor hate for those whom you are praying God’s love and mercy would save. 

2. Patience 

Christians are called to patience in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (see also Col. 3:12). Patience is much more than waiting in line for coffee or for the new trainee cashier at your local grocery store. In Scripture, patience actually entails suffering. Patience is undergoing suffering while responding to the person or situation in a gentle and kind manner. The option of wrathful retaliation, while seemingly sweet at the moment, is not patience and does not bear the fruits of righteousness. Patience toward a person demonstrates God-like love; it is what God desires from his children, even when others may not treat you in the same fashion. 

3. Service 

It’s all too easy to wallow in self-pity, dwell on unkindness, or replay the offense in your mind or to others. One way to minimize these tendencies is to serve others. The apostle Peter reminds us that Christians are to live in servant-fellowship with each other:

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. (1 Pet. 4:10)

Look for ways to love those whom God has placed in your life, and look out for those who may be forgotten or alone. Be a blessing to them. God busies himself with the well-being of his children. As you emulate your heavenly Father, you will bless others and grow in Christ-likeness. 

4. Contemplation

Lastly, when you have been rejected by another it is essential to ponder and contemplate Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. When we are stung and wounded by wrongful rejection, reminding ourselves of Christ’s work puts our own suffering into perspective. 

Christ’s Life: First, Christ knows our suffering and loves his wounded children. The compassion of Jesus during his earthly ministry is recorded in the Old and New Testaments in passages such as Isaiah 42:3 and Matthew 15:32. In Mark’s gospel Jesus stops for those suffering, such as the woman with the flow of blood (Mark 5:25) and the blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46). 

Christ’s Death: Second, because of our sins, Jesus himself suffered and was rejected (Isa. 53:3). Our sins were the reason Christ died on the cross. He suffered injustice for our salvation. And while he suffered, he still loved us. He underwent punishment and torture for our sake while we were still his enemies (Rom. 5:10). When we contemplate these facts, we can be comforted that Jesus loves us deeply and that he helps us bear our own cross of rejection.

For if my Savior has undergone injustice, death, and rejection on my behalf, then as I follow him and am persecuted, he surely will be with me and help me in my own times of suffering (Heb. 13:5). Following Christ’s example by the power of his Holy Spirit, I can love those who have rejected me, even if they cannot yet see their offense. 

Christ’s Resurrection: Third, Christ promises us final justice, resurrected bodies, and a new community in a new heaven and new earth where there is no pain, suffering, or sin. There will be perfect fellowship amongst saints and with the Lord. While wrongs in this world may not always be righted, Jesus has the last say, and all will be made right at his second coming.

Unity, love, and truth in Christ will be the final state of affairs. Until that time, however, the affliction we suffer in this world from rejection can help us turn our eyes toward heaven and realize more and more that our home is not here while we long for Christ’s return.

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This article was originally published on May 24, 2019.

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5 Pieces of Friendly Advice for Recent College Graduates

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Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.

Over the past years I have had the privilege of working with many college students through our church’s campus ministry. Whether you just graduated from college or are getting close to the finish line, here are five pieces of friendly advice as you pursue your post-college vocations.

1. Find a good church.

At the risk of becoming an object of ridicule by those who think only in categories of earthly success or personal fulfillment, let me say that even more important than your new job is your new church. As you make plans to leave college and take a job in an unfamiliar place, make the goal of finding a solid local church your top priority.

If your faith during college has been nurtured primarily through para-church organizations that failed to emphasize the importance of the local church, these admonitions may sound like little more than the rantings of a disgruntled pastoral assistant. Let me assure you that they are not. Scripture is clear that our perseverance in the faith depends upon help from the community of believers, and the local church is an essential component to finishing the race (see Hebrews 3:12-15; 10:24-25; 12:15-16).

Others might say, “Shouldn’t the first and most important bit of counsel to college graduates be to ‘Love Jesus,’ or ‘Keep the gospel central?'” Surely both of these are vital, but your ability to consistently love Jesus and maintain a gospel-centered approach to life will be sustained, in large measure, by the preaching, teaching, accountability, and Christ-honoring relationships found in your local church. Aside from being unable to attend due to health and location circumstances beyond our control, no regular church attendance means no enduring love for Jesus or the gospel—nor much else of spiritual value for that matter.

2. Understand that your work is good.

As you venture into the world of business or politics or medicine or elementary education, enter your chosen field with the confidence that your work is good. Yes, there is work that is inherently evil. The pornography industry, for example, offers no legitimate form of employment. Yet, even in a fallen world much of the work we can do is good and beneficial for others. And not only is it useful for others, but work has been sanctioned and approved by God himself since the beginning of creation (Gen. 2:15).

Your good works don’t start when you get to church on Sunday or when you step foot off the plane in Guatemala for the annual mission trip. Your commitment to work heartily unto the Lord at your job will produce an abundance of good works for your employer, your fellow employees, your clients, your patients, your students, your community, even the world.

Yes, strenuously avoid the temptation to idolize your work; but just as strenuously resist the idea that normal, everyday labor is reserved for second-class Christians while the top-notch believers are the ones who serve as pastors or who are globe-trotting with the gospel. Paul told the church at Thessalonica to

aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.” (1 Thess. 4:11-12)

The quality of our witness for the gospel will be determined by the quality of our daily work.

3. Remain a student.

For the past few years you’ve been devoted to learning. It may have taken a couple semesters, but you finally realized that growth in knowledge requires that you admit you are deficient in knowledge. Once you grasped this basic truth, your mind and heart swelled with useful knowledge about the world.

Now that you have acquired some of that knowledge, you have something to contribute to your chosen field of labor. But here’s the key: if you want to continue to contribute, remain a student. The best leaders, teachers, engineers, computer programmers, interior designers, and doctors are the ones who have a passion to learn.

4. Pursue competence, not self-promotion.

In light of our culture’s bent for self-appointment and self-promotion, it may be difficult for you to consider this bit of advice with any seriousness. Refusing to self-promote? That sounds like a recipe for mediocrity. But just the opposite is actually the case: self-promotion usually tends to keep people from growing in the skills required to advance in their careers. Employees who exert their time and energy not to developing greater competency in their field but rather in figuring out how to leverage this or that relationship, pad that resume, impress that superior, maintain that image, or spruce up that LinkedIn account may learn—painfully—that their efforts neither impress nor facilitate their advancement.

So don’t be fooled by the voices that decry humility and exalt self-promotion as an essential key to success. It is the one who is skillful in his work who will stand before kings (Prov. 22:29) while the self-promoter may be the one asked to return to his seat (Prov. 25:6). Even the best business thinkers of the day are starting to recognize that effective leaders and productive employees are those whose work is characterized by humility.

Susan Green, in her Harvard Business Review article “The Perils of Self-Promotion,” notes a recent book by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic “that persuasively argues that we’ve taken our culture of self-assurance and self-promotion too far.” She continues,

Chamorro-Premuzic frets about the impact on our skill-building abilities, because his review of the research on confidence (and competence) shows that it’s actually low self-esteem—not a healthy ego—that propels us to success. After all, he writes, “wanting to be good at something is incompatible with thinking you are good at something.” He advises the ambitious “not to have high confidence, but to have high competence.”

Make it your aim, then, not to “fake it until you make it,” or to promote yourself, but rather to focus your efforts to honing your craft. In other words, do all your work as unto the Lord and trust him to take care of the rest (Prov. 16:2).

5. Read your Bible every day.

Finally graduate, by God’s grace, discipline yourself to read your Bible every day. It is no coincidence that the bookends to this brief exhortation relate directly to your walk with Jesus. As the hard-working preacher Charles Spurgeon said to the students of his pastor’s college over 150 years ago, “we shall be likely to accomplish most when we are in the best spiritual condition.” (Lectures to My Students). And you can only remain in the best spiritual condition to the degree that you are fed by the word of God.

Scripture will restore your soul, equip you for good works, renew your mind, ground you in Christ, inform your work habits, and enable you to maintain integrity when you are confronted with unethical business practices. Neglect the Bible and you will soon be washed away in a tide of spiritual indifference and moral relativism. Read your Bible every day.

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This article was originally published under the title “A Little Advice for College Graduates” at fromthestudy.com.

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What Is the Spiritual Gift of Discernment?

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Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.

I had a keen interest in spiritual gifts growing up. When I was a little girl, spiritual gifts sounded like magical powers God gave to especially wise and mature believers. As one who ran around her yard pretending the knotted stick she found was a magical wand, I deeply desired to have my own spiritual gifts. 

One that caught my attention was the discernment of spirits. I heard adults talk about this gift like it was a mystical knowledge God endowed to certain believers. “She gets this sense when someone isn’t being truthful,” or, “She gets this foreboding vibe when someone is a wolf in disguise,” or “She can tell when someone’s spirit isn’t in God’s will.” It was like they had a glimpse into the spiritual world, like Frodo when he put the ring on his finger. It felt a bit spooky.

The spiritual gift of discernment shows up twice in Scripture and with very little for a working definition. This has left a lot of room for people to interpret and put their own experiences into what this gift could be.

Whenever we study the Bible, context and clearer passages of Scripture must drive our interpretations.

May I offer you a different definition than the ones above? While I don’t believe I have all the right answers, based on my own study of Scripture and convictions I think the meaning of the gift of discernment about which the apostles wrote is more about the deep study of God’s revealed Word rather than a spooky sixth sense.

Whenever we study the Bible, context and clearer passages of Scripture must drive our interpretations. Because of that, let’s analyze the whole context of one of the key texts on the discernment of spirits:

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error. (1 John 4:1–6)

The first thing we need to note about this passage is that it’s not describing a spiritual gift that some have and others don’t. Instead, this is a command for every believer. He begins by addressing the entire congregation: Beloved. He goes on to give an imperative: Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits. We are each called to test the spirits. 

John appeals to the basics of the gospel that every believer knows when testing the spirits.

Next, John goes on to explain how we test them. He doesn’t give instructions on feelings, senses, or secret knowledge. Rather, he appeals to the basics of the gospel that every believer knows: Jesus. If they do not confess the truth about Jesus, if they distort the gospel message, they are not to be trusted. 

The next criteria John gives for discerning the spirits is if they listen to the Spirit-breathed, apostolic teachings. At the time when John was writing, this would have been the teachings and letters that came from the twelve apostles chosen by Jesus himself. Jesus, through his Holy Spirit, spoke through these men to lay the foundation for the New Testament church. Now, we have the entire Bible where all of God’s perfect, inerrant words are contained in one book. By knowing and obeying these words, John says we will be able to recognize when a person is speaking truth. 

We are to weigh what is said by testing it against God’s word.

The other passage on this spiritual gift of discernment tells us a very similar message. In 1 Corinthians 12:10, Paul simply lists it as “the ability to distinguish between spirits” amidst other spiritual gifts. While he doesn’t provide a definition of this gift within chapter 12, he gives us a glimpse of it in one of the following chapters. Chapter 12 discusses the gifts at large and how the Spirit gifts each person differently to provide a necessary function within the church. Chapter 13 tells us how Christ-like love is the foundation for every spiritual gift (otherwise, it’s useless). In chapter 14 he expands on the proper use of these gifts. 

In 1 Corinthians 14:29, Paul says, “Let two or three prophets speak, and let the others weigh what is said.” How do we weigh what is said? By testing it against God’s word. If someone claims to be a Bible teacher or a Christian influencer, their words should align with God’s word. As Paul went on to admonish the Corinthians:

Or was it from you that the word of God came? Or are you the only ones it has reached? If anyone thinks that he is a prophet, or spiritual, he should acknowledge that the things I am writing to you are a command of the Lord. If anyone does not recognize this, he is not recognized.” (1 Cor. 14:36–40) 

Often when Christians discuss this spiritual gift, the thorough study of God’s word is not first and foremost.

Discernment requires opening God’s word on a regular basis, immersing ourselves into the grander narrative of Scripture, and studying it.

I recently came across a spiritual gift test that described the gift of discernment as the ability to “sense the true motivations of a person and movements,” “recognize when a person is genuine or honest,” and “sense when a person is acting in accord with God’s will.” This sounds like a strange, eerie sense that God downloads into our brains, yet God’s word describes this ability as the hard work of knowing Scripture and examining the words of others to see if they align with the Bible. 

This mysterious definition of feelings and senses is problematic for the church. The definition encourages us to listen to arbitrary feelings that the Bible never instructs us to do. We are never given a guide to knowing how to discern feelings and senses, but rather a clear message of law and gospel for us to use as our measuring stick for truth. 

Discernment is hard work. It’s not a special gift God plunks into some people’s hearts and keeps from others. It takes opening God’s word on a regular basis, immersing ourselves into the grander narrative of Scripture (not just grabbing random verses here and there), and studying it. Let’s not make light of this skill. Rather, let’s encourage one another to grow in it by opening the Bible together.

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This article was originally published on February 21, 2023.

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Faith vs. Faithfulness — What’s the Difference?

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Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.

God's children can get confused regarding the difference between faith and faithfulness. They know they have faith—knowledge of God's salvation in Christ, assent to that glorious truth, and a hearty trust in Christ their Savior—but they may also worry about whether they are being faithful—true to God, a devoted follower of Christ.

What are we to make of Jesus' words, “But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matt. 24:13), and do we need a certain amount of faithfulness to endure to the end?

We can't truly rest in Christ if our eternal hope depends on our own personal faithfulness.

Some people think that God saves us by grace through faith in Christ but we must be obedient—faithful—to keep God's grace fully. In other words, we need to do something in addition to Jesus' finished work on our behalf to be saved and have eternal life. Yet, if this were true, no one could truly have peace in Christ in this life because the final outcome for them would depend on their own personal faithfulness, and these words below that Jesus spoke wouldn't make sense:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt. 11:28)

Mercifully, the Bible teaches that salvation comes from outside of us through the work of Christ, not from anything we do (for some examples, see Rom. 5:1; 6–8; 15–17; Rom. 8:1–11; 2 Cor. 3:4–5; 5:17; Eph. 2:8–9; Titus 3:4–7).

The fruit of the Holy Spirit is evidence of a person's adoption into God's family in Christ.

When James writes about the relationship between faith and works in the second chapter of his epistle, he is referring to the fruit of the Holy Spirit's work in the lives of believers:

But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. (James 2:18)

These works that show faith do nothing to save a person; rather, they are evidence of a person's adoption into God's family in Christ. All believers bear the fruit of the Spirit because they are branches attached to the vine of Christ (John 15:4–5; Gal. 5:22–23; Col. 1:10).

True faith—the saving faith that is God’s gift to us in Christ (Eph. 2:8-9)—always produces faithfulness. It isn’t the size of our faith or the amount of works we do that guarantees our status as children of God. It is in God’s faithfulness to his promise where our confidence rests:

“And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.” (John 6:39)

And this is the promise that he made to us—eternal life. (1 John 2:25)

A true believer will have sorrow over his or her sin and want to live a life that is honoring to God.

Believers will experience true sorrow over their sin because they have the Spirit indwelling them (Rom. 7:14–25). If a professing Christian consistently excuses his or her sin and is living the unrepentant lifestyle of an unbeliever, then there exists the possibility that the person has not actually been regenerated to new life by the Spirit. The apostle Paul states:

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! (2 Cor. 13:5)

In John’s first letter,

Two evidences that believers are growing in holiness are an increasing awareness of their own sin and a corresponding desire to stay away from all ungodliness. Christians show gratitude to and love for God by keeping his commandments (John 14:15; Heb. 13:15; 1 John 2:3; 5:3). This obedience is a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving the believer offers up to God; it is never a means to keep—or earn—God's grace.

All Christians are called to live faithfully, but our faithfulness does not save us; rather, salvation is completely the work of God alone.

Just as sometimes children disobey their parents and are disciplined accordingly, God disciplines us because we are his beloved children in Christ and our status never changes, and he will use our failures to teach us through the work of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.

The saying is trustworthy, for:
If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful—
for he cannot deny himself. (2 Tim. 2:11-13)

Dear Christian, as you strive to live faithfully, to honor and obey God in your daily comportment, remember that your faithfulness isn’t what causes you to endure to the end. Rather, you are saved by God's grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone—nothing of yourself. And it is God’s faithfulness—not your own—that keeps you safe and secure in Christ now and forevermore.

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This article has been updated since its original publishing date and is adapted from “Faith vs. Faithfulness” from BCL’s April 2022 monthly newsletter.

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Christians and the Military

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A friend recently related to me her father’s experiences in World War II and the terrible effects on him and his family.  As a young child, she saw the pain he experienced due to his nightmares and depression from the war; they drove him to alcohol to try to drown the pain of a flood of horrors. The painful effects only multiplied.  

We think of those who served in war as heroes—men and women who leave all to battle evil. When they return, they feel our gratitude and honor for the sacrifices they made. Yet, there are also the memories of the horrors of battle. Honor and horror. How should Christians regard military service? What are we to make of our patriotic impulses while squarely facing the horrors of war?

In short, we honor those who serve, but we do so in the context of recognizing the evil of war. We honor their service and sacrifices; yet, with empathy and love we also come alongside them with help and support for both the physical injuries and the injuries done to their conscience.

Serving in the military is a legitimate vocation.

First, some people wonder if Christians should even serve in the military. Is military service a legitimate Christian vocation, or is pacifism the only option? How does Scripture address these contrary views? 

The answer is that churches ought to regard military service as compatible with Christianity, while recognizing its difficulties and sacrifices. Let’s consider it from a biblical perspective.

What does the New Testament say about military service?

Though the early church was generally pacifist, the New Testament Christians were not prohibited from serving as soldiers. For example, in Luke 3:14, as John the Baptizer called the crowd to repentance, the tax collectors and soldiers who accompanied them asked John what they should do. Instead of telling them to stop being soldiers, he told them how to act—to not use their power to extort money.  

Soldiers who were believers in Christ were commended by their Lord and were part of the early church. For example, Jesus praised a humble centurion’s faith (Matt. 8:5-13; Luke 7:1-10). Cornelius, a Roman centurion who commanded soldiers, was included in the people of God (Acts 10:1-4). The gospels record another centurion confessing Jesus to be an innocent man (Luke 23:47) and the Son of God (Matt. 27:54; Mark 15:39). Paul did not condemn those who served as soldiers but instead deemed them as being worthy of their wages (1 Cor. 9:7).  

On the other hand, those who argue against the legitimacy of Christians serving in the military often point to John 18:11 where, as Jesus was being arrested by soldiers, he commanded Peter to sheath his sword (see parallels in Matthew 26, Mark 14, and Luke 22).  Jesus plainly did not want Peter to impede his journey to his crucifixion.

Pacifists sometimes argue from this text that Jesus’ command to Peter to put away his sword means Christians are not to serve in the military, but notice that Jesus did not tell him to get rid of the sword. In fact, in Luke 22:35-37 Jesus commands his disciples to purchase and take swords with them when they go out.

We find numerous military metaphors in the New Testament.

In Scripture, military metaphors provide helpful examples of strength, battle, suffering, perseverance, and relationship to authority. In Ephesians 6:10-17, we are to put on the whole armor of God in order to withstand the schemes of the devil. Paul encouraged Timothy to be strong like a soldier focused solely on his duty, while suffering like a soldier (2 Tim. 2:3-4). He calls fellow workers “soldiers” (Phil. 2:25). Revelation is replete with battle and sword metaphors, including Christ as a lion with a sword in his mouth who battles and conquers (see also Rev. 1:16, 2:12, 2:16, 19:15, 19:21).

Of course, these apocalyptic symbols are not to be taken ethically as either pacifist (for example, a lion being transformed into a lamb) nor to justify violence. It is the sword of God’s word that conquers, not a physical sword (cf. Eph. 6:17; Heb. 4:12; Rev. 1:16).

In summary, Scripture reveals that serving in the military is a legitimate vocation for Christians. Next, how might the church relate to those who serve and have served in the military? How might veterans be honored without glorifying the horrors of warfare, and how can the church help and support military members and veterans who may carry physical and emotional battle injuries?

Honoring others is legitimate.

The word honor in the Bible means to value, revere, esteem, deem precious, and to respect someone or something. Scripture enjoins us to regard others worthy of honor such as those in authority, and especially God and Christ above all (see Rom. 1:21, 14:6, 1 Tim. 1:17, 6:16; Rev. 4:9, 5:12, 13, 7:12).

We are to honor parents (Exod. 20:12; Matt. 15:4; 19:19; Eph. 6:2) and those who do good (Rom. 2:7, 10). We should honor one another and honor those to whom honor is owed (Rom. 2:7, 10; 13:7). The church shares in honor (or shame) through the unity of the body (1 Cor. 12:23-26). We should honor servants of the Lord, such as Epaphroditus, who nearly died serving the Lord (Phil. 2:29-30). Widows should be honored (1 Tim. 5:3) and masters (1 Tim. 6:1); husbands should honor wives (1 Pet. 3:7). We especially show double honor to elders who rule well, and especially to preachers and teachers of the Word (1 Tim. 5:17).

Christians honor the military through the lens of the gospel.

Anything that tends to glorify war and battle can lead to a prideful self-satisfaction that obscures the sinfulness of humanity. We ought not rest on our good works as though they merit anything before God. Rather than a glorifying human triumphalism, the gospel reminds us of our sinfulness, that our good works merit nothing, and that Christ alone is our only hope and rest.

Churches must not risk obscuring gospel truth by glorifying human works, especially through the tragedies of war. The church is not to become a hotbed of political and military glory. The weapon of the church is not political or military power; it is God’s word.

We need to honor military members and veterans as friends.

Churches that tend to glorify military members can run the risk of being insensitive to the horrors of war and the moral challenges many service members have experienced. Pacifist churches risk alienating those who have faced wartime horrors and personal moral conflicts. From a soldier’s point of view, combat experience is often appallingly tragic. It is a duty that carries with it the internal discord of terrible sadness, guilt, stress, and memories that cannot be erased.

Christians who overly glorify those who have returned from battle risk calling them to a level of heroism they can never live up to. On the other hand, pacifists may label them with derogatory names, showing a lack of love and empathy for what soldiers have been through. Both extremes are unfitting for Christ’s church.

Rather, in honoring those who have served in the military, let us first call them “friend.” All authority is from God, so he has appointed rulers and governments as his servants for our good. By God’s appointment governments do not bear the sword in vain (Rom. 13; 1 Pet. 2:13-14). The word of God does not abrogate the vocation of serving in the military.

Scripture teaches us by using the examples of soldiers as faithful members of Christ’s body. We learn from military metaphors what it is like to suffer, to persevere, to be diligent, and to battle against evil in the strength of the Lord wearing the armor of God.

We honor military members and veterans by teaching God’s word.

Churches have an opportunity to learn more deeply from those who have served in the military about sacrifice and risking life—what it means to give up ourselves for others—and what it means to seek peace in love even when injustice makes others an enemy. 

When people are considering entering military service, church leaders can counsel them concerning oaths, the biblical roles of rulers and governments, good works, and conscience. It is also important to teach them how military service can be a source of temptation, especially the moral risks of separation from family and church into what can at times be an anti-Christian culture that may include peer pressure to excessive drinking, carousing, infidelity, and inappropriate language. Yet, church leaders should also teach military virtues which are taught in Scripture: “loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and courage” (William Barrick, “The Christian and War”).

Churches should come alongside military members and veterans in order to display the love of Christ.

Christians can show love and care for the person serving, as well as for their families who must carry with them the anxiety of separation and knowing the danger facing their loved ones. Churches should come alongside military members and veterans in order to display the love of Christ for all nations, tongues, and people, rather than be overly patriotic toward a single nation. Christians should honor members of the military for their sacrifices and show compassion for their wounds, helping, supporting, and caring for them in their struggles. 

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• 3 Things a Christian Should Consider Before Serving in the Military

• How to Give and Receive Commendation with the Utmost Care

• How and Why Do Christians Imitate Christ?

• The Real Reason Why Life Is Messy

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Biblical Fathering: On Being Fair

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Part one of a four-part series on fatherhood.

I have three children, all girls, and for over twenty years my wife and I prayed for them every night. Our first prayers were for saving faith and later for them to marry Christian men. God has graciously answered those prayers. 

A Christian father is the divinely appointed leader of his family.

The Bible tells us that salvation is by God’s grace through his gift of faith alone (Eph. 2:8-9; cf. Ps. 68:20). But we also read that faith comes by hearing the word of Christ (Rom. 10:17). It has been said that Christian character is “caught as much as taught,” so in light of these truths the importance of godly parenting becomes clear. Christian fathers are the divinely appointed leaders of their families; they are to raise their children in the truth of God’s word (Deut. 4:9; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 5:25, 33; 6:4; 2 Tim. 3:15).

This responsibility cannot be ‘subcontracted’ to Sunday school teachers or the youth group. Parents must intentionally school their children in sound, biblical Christian doctrine. The process is best done at home with regular family devotions led by the father.

In Ephesians 6:4, Paul identifies the father’s primary role in the spiritual training of children: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” When we look closely at this verse, we see four principles for every Christian father. They are to be fair, flexible, firm, and forthright as they raise their children. I invite you to join me in looking at these principles in detail in a series of four posts.

Fathers are to be fair.

Our verse in Ephesians says, “do not provoke your children to anger.” Most of us don’t intend to exasperate or cause our children to become angry, but we sometimes do—often unintentionally—by overprotecting them, favoring them (one over another), neglecting them, or verbally abusing them.

Don’t hover. A common term for the tendency to overprotect our kids is “helicopter parenting.” When Dad is constantly hovering, it’s hard for either boys or girls to behave like adolescent boys or girls. Kids need the freedom to run, jump, play, and even argue with others. While safety and security are always a top priority, kids need to be allowed to be kids. Children can be messy, thoughtless, selfish, and loud; sometimes they break things. While the house must not be destroyed, neither should it be a museum. Within established boundaries fathers are to allow their kids to be kids.

Don’t show favoritism. Favoring one child over another is the second mistake. Isaac loved Esau, and Rebecca loved Jacob (Gen. 25:28). The rift it caused between the brothers and in the family never fully healed. As Christian dads, we must always be alert to avoid favoring one child over another. Each child is God’s gift to us, and they come with unique traits, interests, and skills. As fathers, we must take care to love them as equally as possible in all that we say and do.

Don’t neglect your children. The third way, neglect, is subtle but pervasive for fathers who are in the pressure cooker of twenty-first century life. It’s a real challenge to find the proper balance between work and family responsibilities. When we don’t get it right, our children may suffer. Spending “quality time” was once pop psychology’s answer to this issue; but unfortunately, quality moments—where our kids are open to advise, correction, or encouragement—can’t always be scheduled. Teachable moments come on their own schedule, which is why there is no substitute for spending significant blocks of time with our kids, both one-on-one and as a family.

Finally, be careful with your tongue. Like neglect, verbal abuse can be subtle and unrecognized. We may not browbeat or berate, but sometimes a look, a gesture, or silence can be as devastating as a verbal beating. The challenge is to find the right mixture of honest critique, suggested improvement, honest encouragement, and sincere praise that will keep our kids striving to do more and improve.

Fathering requires balance.

Fairness encompasses each of these areas, so we must examine each to ensure we do not unfairly provoke our children to anger. When fathers find the proper balance in these areas, we demonstrate the kind of behavior that allows us to teach our kids the biblical principles behind them. Fairness is an essential step in biblical fathering that demonstrates to our kids how they should treat others. Not only does it make life as parents easier, it also allows us the credibility to teach Christ to our kids.

Click here for Part 2: “Biblical Fathering: On Being Flexible"

Click here for Part 3: “Biblical Fathering: On Being Firm"

Click here for Part 4: "Biblical Fathering: On Being Forthright”

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This article was originally published on March 9, 2018.

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“The Secret Things Belong to the Lord" — Deuteronomy 29:29

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Is there anything wrong with speculating about God’s will, his revelation, and his actions? Are there any limits?

God has revealed all things necessary and sufficient for salvation.

We can gain insight regarding such limits from Deuteronomy 29:29 where Moses is speaking the words of the covenant to the people of Israel in the land of Moab:

“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.”

The Bible is the word of God supernaturally revealed to us by the Holy Spirit through the means of human writers (2 Tim. 3:16, 1 Pet. 1:12). In his word God has revealed all things necessary and sufficient for salvation. But he has not revealed all things about himself nor his creation—in fact, finite humans are incapable of understanding all things about our infinite Creator. As the historic Belgic Confession states:

We do not wish to inquire with undue curiosity into what he does that surpasses human understanding and is beyond our ability to comprehend. But in all humility and reverence we adore the just judgments of God, which are hidden from us, being content to be Christ’s disciples, so as to learn only what he shows us in his Word, without going beyond those limits. — The Belgic Confession, The Doctrine of God’s Providence, Article 13.

Believers need to focus on the things God has revealed in his word.

As God teaches us, there are secret things in his providence that he alone knows. The things he has graciously revealed to us in the Bible are for us. Therefore, rather than trying to speculate about the secret things of God, it is better to humbly focus on the things he has revealed in his word.

Believers are to avoid foolish arguments about things about God that he has not revealed to us, and focus instead on what he teaches us in Scripture. Trust that God the Holy Spirit will enlighten your mind and assure you by faith of God’s sovereignty over all things, even when events might seem hard to understand and hopeless. Our Father in heaven loves us, he knows what we need, and he neither sleeps nor slumbers (Ps. 121).

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Related Articles:

• How to Read the Bible in Context and Stay on Track

• 10 Quick Tips for Becoming an Excellent Bible Interpreter

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• 8 Covenants in the Bible and What They Mean for You Personally Today

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Justified by Faith Alone by R. C. Sproul

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25 Bible Passages about Truth

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We all need to hear the truth—and take it to heart. Truth brings freedom, and without it we are caught up in a web of deceit. Here are 25 Bible passages about truth (all Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version):

Jesus is the truth.

1. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)

2. Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

3. Assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus. (Eph. 4:21)

God’s word is truth.

4. The sum of your word is truth, and every one of your righteous rules endures forever. (Ps. 119:160)

5. “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:17)

6. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory. (Eph. 1:13-14)

The truth will set you free.

7. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth.

8. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,Even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.” (John 14:16-17)

The Lord is near to those who call on him in truth.

9. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)

God leads us in his truth.

10. “Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Ps. 25:5)

Christians worship God in truth.

11. “God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” (John 4:24)

Christians are called to rightly handle the word of truth.

12. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. (2 Tim. 2:15)

Christians are called to cloth themselves with truth.

13. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness. (Eph. 6:14)

Christians are called to dwell on what is true.

14. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. (Ps. 51:6)

15. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil. 4:8)

Christians are called to speak the truth.

16. O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent?

    Who shall dwell on your holy hill?

He who walks blamelessly and does what is right

    and speaks truth in his heart. (Ps. 15:1-2)

17. Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit. (Prov. 12:17)

18. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (Eph. 4:25)

Christians are called to walk in the truth.

19. Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. (Ps. 86:11)

20. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. (1 John 1:6)

21. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 1:4)

Christians are called to love in truth.

22. Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

23. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor. 13:4-6)

God sanctifies his children in the truth.

24. “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” (John 16:13)

25. “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:17)

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• Do the Ends Justify the Means?

• The Reason Why God Is the Beauty We All Seek

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Grounding Our Expectations and Limitations in God’s Word

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We all live with expectations in our lives about what we can or cannot, will or will not, or should and should not do. Sometimes these expectations come from other people, sometimes they come from ourselves, and sometimes they come from the Word of God. Regardless of where they come from, we have to handle them in day-to-day life, which often can be a burden if we don’t look at them through the lenses of God’s Word and the grace we have in Christ.

We must first ground all our expectations in God’s Word.

We must understand not only the expectations we have and the expectations others have of us but also the providential limitations that God has placed in our lives. These limitations can be things like time, location, health, finances, responsibilities, or just being finite beings who can’t be everywhere at once or be everything to everyone. This is why it is very important to read the Scriptures and know what God’s expectations are for us, so that any other expectations can be measured by his standard alone.

There are things the Word of God is clear on, such as God’s law in the Ten Commandments, the fact of the sinfulness of man’s heart, and that all who have new life in Christ bear the fruit of the Spirit. These are foundational to Christians’ expectations for themselves and the world around them. But there are many other things in God’s Word, along with our situation as finite creatures, that will shape expectations we set for ourselves in light of the limitations with which we must live.

We need to be careful not to set our expectations based upon what other people are doing.

The first church my husband was co-pastor of was a wonderful congregation, and I was so blessed by the women in this church. One elder’s wife in particular was always serving families with young children. It was her gift of service to the church, and it was a wonderful thing to see and experience. For a while I thought, “I should be more like her! She’s always doing so much.” But is this the right way of evaluating our service—to measure it against someone else’s service?

Rather, we must look at God’s Word, ask God to give us the right desires, and examine our life circumstances and limitations and see what our service will look like. We may have expectations for ourselves, and others may have them for us, but we also are finite creatures with limitations. And these limitations mean that our situation is different than other people’s circumstances, and so we will not look exactly like someone else in the way we do things.  And this is a good thing. God made us individuals.

Growing in understanding of God’s expectations for us helps us to live them out in Christ-centered love.

As expectations come from the outside of us, such as how we should act, what we should wear, and what our home should look like, all these things must be sifted through the standard of God’s Word. Does God say that floors have to be vacuumed daily, that our home should be spotless, that there are never any dishes in my sink, that the grass must be trimmed every week? No! He does tell wives to manage their home, to love their husband and children, and to love and serve others. But God also gives limitations: health concerns, distance, time constraints, people in our care, etc. 

This means then that there will be times (in the case of the above example) when the house will be cleaner and other times when it will be less clean. There might be crumbs on the floor and some dishes in the sink because my little ones need more care (spiritually, emotionally, or physically), a friend needs some encouragement, or I have to stay on the phone with the insurance company to work through a bill. Life is not a list of checkboxes but a dance of wisdom—seeing God’s expectations for us in his Word and then living them out in Christ-centered love and grace to ourselves and others.

Believers are finite, individual beings, whom God has wonderfully and fearfully made.

This living won’t look the same for everyone. It’s living coram Deo (before the face of God) with God’s standards, realizing that we are a work in progress by the Holy Spirit, and that we are finite, individual beings, whom God has wonderfully and fearfully made with limitations. It is good to regularly remember the following Bible passages from the apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians to keep our expectations centered on God’s Word:

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. (1 Cor. 12:14-15)

But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. (1 Cor. 12:18-20)

But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. (1 Cor. 12: 24-25)

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This article is adapted from “Living to God’s Glory in Our Expectations and Limitations” from BCL’s January 2024 monthly newsletter.

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When Life Isn’t Fair

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My boys were playing a board game one rainy afternoon. It was down to the last spin. One of my sons got the number he hoped for and crossed the finish line, winning the game. The loser stomped his feet and declared, "That's not fair! He always wins!"

My boys are not alone in their view of life. I often look at the circumstances of my life, my failed dreams, struggles, and trials, and think, "It's not fair." I look at the successes of others, their achievements, adventures, and lifestyle and think, "Why them and not me?" And I wonder, why do some people seem to always win and I always lose?

God rules over everything.

I told my son when he lost the game that God intended it for a reason. I reminded him that God rules over everything, even a spinner on a game and he now had an opportunity to learn something from the loss. I also reminded him that by focusing on his loss, he missed an opportunity to rejoice with his brother and encourage him for his win.

Good advice for my own heart, wouldn't you say?

My kids often say that life isn't fair. I've told them that if life really were fair, we'd all get what we deserve—eternal death and separation from God. In fact, we don't deserve a single thing, neither life or breath or anything else. Yet God continues to let the rains come down on both the just and unjust (Matt. 5:45). He gives mercy each new morning (Lam. 3:23). He strengthens the weary and gives peace to the anxious (Isa. 40:29; Phil. 4:7).

Through his grace God will complete the work he began in us.

But most importantly, God gives grace. "And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace" (John 1:16). It is by grace that our hearts are brought from death to life (Eph. 2, Ezek. 11). It is by grace that we are saved, secured and sanctified (Eph. 2:8). And through his grace, God will complete the work he began in us.

The truth is, if God treated me as I deserve, I wouldn't have a relationship with him. If God treated me fairly, he wouldn't spend so much time refining me. If God treated me based on what I earned, I would be hopeless and lost. But as the Psalmist penned, "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities" (Ps. 103:10).

Because of God's grace for me in Christ, I have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. My Maker and Creator knows me and I know him. I can come before the throne of grace and receive help in my time of need. And nothing can separate me from God's love.

I don't deserve God's love, but he lavishes it upon me—what wonder!

The prose God is writing in the lives of believers is for their good and his glory.

When it comes to what God does in the lives of others and how he chooses to bless them, I have to remember that everyone has their own story. The prose God is writing in my life is for my good and his glory (Rom. 8:28). He is using the circumstances, challenges, and failures in my life to transform me to be more and more like Christ. My story is different from others and I can't compare it.

The individual chapters of my life may seem painful and feel unfair, but woven together they form a beautiful tapestry of God's grace at work in my life. In fact, my story is included in the grand story of redemption, alongside the stories of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Rather than look at their stories in envy, I ought to rejoice at what God has done to unite our stories together.

It's true, life is unfair. But I wouldn't have it any other way. How about you?

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• Does God Play Favorites?

• Sanctification in Christ—the Rest of Your Story

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This article was originally published at christinafox.com.

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Why Is Prayer the Most Important Part of Our Thankfulness to God?

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Why is prayer the most important part of the thankfulness which God requires of us?

The book of Psalms proclaims:

What shall I render to the Lord
for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord. (Ps. 116:12-13)

Praying to God is not only a blessing but also a necessity for Christians.

Christians have the great privilege and blessing of talking to their heavenly Father at any and all times in prayer. Yet, praying to God involves more than giving adoration to God, confessing our sins, thanking God for all he has given us in his common grace (providing for our everyday needs) and his special grace (our salvation in Christ alone), and making petitions for help.

The Heidelberg Catechism, first published in 1563, is a highly regarded summary of the Christian faith and has the following to say about the necessity of prayer for believers:

“Q. Why is prayer necessary for Christians?

A. Because prayer is the most important part of the thankfulness which God requires of us. Moreover, God will give his grace and the Holy Spirit only to those who constantly and with heartfelt longing ask him for these gifts and thank him for them.” — Heidelberg Catechism, Q&A 116.

When we pray, we testify that God is sovereign over all, that he hears our prayers, and that he is completely able to fulfill our requests as is according to his will.

“Prayer is the first expression of the grateful, believing heart.”

In prayer believers humbly admit that they aren’t in control, and it is only by God’s grace that their daily needs are provided for and the debt for their guilt and sin has been paid. As theologian R. Scott Clark notes regarding the nature of prayer,

Prayer is our response. It is the instrument through which we reply from the heart, with thanks, to God for all he has done. Prayer is the first expression of the grateful, believing heart….Prayer is the act of a needy sinner.”

Prayer is the exercising of the believer’s trust in God—the outworking of the gift of faith that God has given us in Christ:

Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thess. 5:17-18)

To dig deeper on the role of prayer in the believer’s life, be sure to check out “Why Is Prayer So Vitally Important for Christians?” by R. Scott Clark.

Related Articles:

• Persistent Prayer — Matthew 7:7

• Why Is Prayer So Vitally Important for Christians?

• “Forgive Us Our Debts”: Getting Specific When Confessing Our Sins to God

• Do You Forget to Thank God When You Pray?

• 6 Things You Need to Know about Unanswered Prayer

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